Komitmen. Satu perkataan dalam Bahasa Melayu yang amat ringkas, tetapi sebenarnya amat mendalam.
Commitment.
The word comes together with its own baggage. It is something you have to carry and can never leave it behind. It is a word that can wear you off someday, if you let it get to you.
I am a very monogomous person, so I thought. I believe in polygamy, but I don't intend in practising them, so I thought. So I submerged myself in a journey that includes the big C.
But it wore me off.
What I thought of myself all these while has definitely proven that I am wrong. Very wrong. I discovered that I am afraid of commitment. Not that I refuse to commit, but I don't think I can live up to the word's standards -- its lifestyle, its responsibilities.
I became the way I am because of various reasons, I assume. But those reasons are now affecting one particular portion of my life. My relationships. My relationship are tarnished and tainted by my own fear of taking things to the next level.
I am a product of my own self issues. I am a product of my own fear. I am a product of myself.
Maybe one day, I'll be convinced enough by a man and his love to the point where I won't be afraid of the C word.
I'll wait patiently. But really, not for that man to come. But for myself to be done. And eventually, C.
SONG OF THE MOMENT : Video Games by Lana del Rey
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 wisdom words:
I have the same problem like you. Almost the same. But in my case, I think I'm too comfortable of being alone. Alone as in without a life partner. And I don't think I'm ready for it.
My suggestion to you; follow your instinct. The grass is always greener on the other side.
May the Force be with you.
Post a Comment