Vote for Me

Handsome tapi casanova, main perempuan.
Kaya tapi berlagak, pandang rendah kat orang.
Baik tapi rosak, ambik dadah, hisap gam.
Stylish tapi ketiak busuk, wax pakai deodorant tak.
Pandai tapi sombong, perangai macam beruk.
Lelaki pujaan seluruh Malaysia tapi berat mulut macam ada gigi emas.

Baik tak payah.

NEXT!


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Satellite Heart by Anya Marina

Of Mango and Peach

I once asked this one person, “How do you see me as a person?”. And the person answered me with a message that took him some time to reply.


Kalau kawan I tanya I macamtu, I akan jawab, “ Mia tu kalau kau rasa kau dah kenal dia, kau silap sebab kau tak akan tahu dia betul betul macamana. Tapi percayalah, kalau kau dah start kenal and dah start kawan dengan dia, kau takkan puas untuk kawan dengan dia lagi”


That is one thoughtful way to describe me. It is very indirect but somehow very true. That person managed to capture what character I always choose to portray in front of others.


I cannot say that I am not a complicated person. No one is. I believe that no one in this world and also in their right mind will ever be an uncomplicated person. We were engineered that way : complex.

As a complex, difficult, thorny and perplexed person that I am, I cannot be excluded from having these imaginary imaginations of how I want to be treated, pampered, showered and mollycoddled.

• I have always wanted life to be like in the movies, where there is always someone who stays by your side and is able to see the positive side of you no matter how mean you are. And in the end, it’s always the good story ending.

• I crave for times when I sulk and there is someone that got lost in the crowd in the middle of nowhere just to find me and console me.

• I also imagine that every time a different situation comes, there’s a different song that plays automatically. And suddenly life turns into a video clip. And Beyonce and Lady GaGa are dancing for mine.

• I adore the idea of there will be one specific person that is created for you. And that that is the destination. The whole life journey is a conquest in searching for that one specific person.
  

• I like it when life turns into a chaotic mess because that what makes life interesting. Even when your husband’s best friend suddenly showed up in front of your door telling you that he has always been in love with you. Those messes demand you to determine and justify who you are, where your priorities are and also your integrity.

I don’t want another life. Mine is quite the right fit for me. Of course there are a few amendments here and there, but I wouldn’t trade it for something else. Just some additions : more boyfriends, maybe?

To those who do not know me well enough to give you the right to judge me by this post, I am definitely not a princess, nor am I a GI Jane. But I do have credits and complaints.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Why Are You So Mean To Me by Nada Surf

If I Were A Boy.

Cliche. What we all heard from Beyonce’s song “If I Were a Boy” are all things good that she’ll do to the girl IF she is a boy. But if I am a boy, would I do what I want a boy to do when I am a girl?

I don’t think so.

In almost all occasion, I wouldn’t call when I say I would. I didn’t even bother to call back anyone when I said I would. Not that I intentionally did, it’s just that I have better things to do.

And maybe, I’ll cheat on the girl. Because girls are so merimaskan. They whine over small things, they cry whenever they feel their throats are tight, they nag like it’s a rat race. They just do whatever they want. Whenever they want.

I also think that I won’t bother to even have a girlfriend. Because why have one when I can have a lot?

That is why I am VERY grateful that I am not a boy. Because then I wouldn’t know how to appreciate people’s feelings.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : How Long Will It Last by Colin James Hay

We're Normal Aliens.

When we look into someone else's life, it's like analyzing our own. Have you done that? I did. And then what I felt that grew inside me was envy. It's like I wanted to be there too. Experiencing something else rather than what I currently have. A little, tiny bird in my heard keeps cuckoo-ing that maybe there are someone out there who looks into mine and thought the same too!

But that is every human's nature. We always want we don't have. And maybe what we cannot have. So it's normal. You're normal. I'm normal.

It's not that I would kill to be where I wanted to be, but at least we were all given "imagination". So, I used it very well.

Life changes people. And what changes life is experience. And we experience thing when we see it, feel it, hear it, done it. And to achieve that, we need to walk about it.

Someday, I know I'm gonna be there. Exactly where I wanted to be.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Fire by Kasabian

Never, Never, Never...

... take a sit next to someone who annoys you during an examination. So here it goes : Reinforced Concrete Design. The guy next to me buat noises that made me lose it.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : She Wants to Move by NERD

Your Say on This

Men. We can't live without them, we can't live with them.

There was this one research conducted by some people I don't know, and I quote, saying that men and women are purposely created not the same in every possible way imagined.


Example 1

Most men find women who's in their period are very attractive. Kononnya ada this invisible magnetic attraction towards them. But women on the other hand, usually felt disgusted and emotional with everything around them. Kadang-kadang, meja pun boleh buat menyampah.

And, older women will reach their menopause and at that time, they refuse sex. But men, makin tua makin gatal.


Example 2

When fighting, women wants to talk, and sometimes shout, but always, they will want to have this Cone of Sharing where they hope the partner will talk too. But men wants the way out. They want to stop talking about it and move on.


Example 3

After the fight, women find their friends for advise and to mengadu pasal boyfriend, but men find friends and talk about cars. Or football. Anything that doesn't spell PEREMPUAN.


Example 4

Perempuan selalu fikir lelaki are mentally retarded, lelaki pulak selalu rasa perempuan are emotionally retarded.
(Ni betul ya, saya dah tanya a few kawan saya of both sexes.)




Okay, so you got my point? By these few examples, your mind is already detecting other examples that happens around you. So, I think that research is quite true. Yes? But as for me personally, I am a female. So, I'll write about mistakes men do that they don't realise.



1) Girls nak you dengar apa luahan hati dorang time gaduh. They expect you to allocate some time to talk nicely about the issue.

2) They want you to be as soft as you could whenever they're around. L.e.m.b.u.t.

3) Let them shout at you, and never shout back at them.

4) Kalau jalan jalan, let them go wherever they want. You don't WHINE.

5) Lelaki selalu fikir kalau they do something, dorang tengah jaga the girlfriend. But kat mata perempuan tu, they are controlling.

6) Well, basically, they want to hear their own opinion but in your voice. So, give them the answer they want to hear when they ask you super-ridiculous questions.



I know you have more to say. So, say it.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Selepas Kau Pergi by La Luna

Yang Mana Satu Pilihan Kalbu?

I thought I am dying to continue my study abroad. Well, I haven't even made up my mind up until now. The thought of living in a foreign world seems to be a life-saving activity for me, yealah, to show me what it's like out there, to *hopefully* make me a better person. But, there's too much to leave here and I want to go in peace.

I searched for options here in Malaysia, because I do not want to have to know the fact that I am definitely going to UiTM.

I know this post is irrelevant and boring, but I have to write it someplace so that I won't forget what is inside my head.

UM, UTM, UiTM, Uniten. For civil engineering. Your say?


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Reptilia by The Strokes

There's Too Much

What is my passion? Some people, it's basketball, or piano, or violin. Passion to me is a thing we do when we're down to search for ourself again. I don't know what's mine. I like a lot of things, but I'm not sure if it's a passion or not.

Today is the 22nd of October 2009. This means that Kid is 20 years old. Happy colourful birthday to you, yang. Hope that you will always be happy and healthy as a tiger. I'll try granting your wish which is celebrating your birthday every year with me by your side. You'll always be my big kid trapped in a man's body. :)


To the oh-so-wonderful reader that is currently reading this and may wonder why do I call him Kid, there are two reasons for that.

1) He is a kid at heart. Not the Abang Gangster that he appears to be.

2) To you that might notice, at times he does look like a kid!

3) I love Blogger Boy.


To Yang Ainoor, I'm coming home. Nak ajak aku g Carnival Unisel ke?



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Half in Love with Elizabeth by Mystery Jets

Minda Kita Pelik

Kenapa kalau orang orang in a relationship kita kena expect that dorang tu come from the same type of person? If they are different, kita pelik. Why?



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Gagap By Stacy

Cakap Kuat, Burp Kuat, Kentut Pun Kuat

Good Afternoon.

There is always the first time for everything. And as for today, is the first time I go connected to the world wide web from the Pesona CC. God, kids nowadays really doesn't know how to stay at home. Kan, As?

Speaking of As, sian dia and the Big Baby Brother Bear sakit and got MC. Actually, I have zero to say on my mind as all I could hear are kids and entah-apa-nak-panggil ni semua memekak kat kiri kanan depan, nasib baiklah belakang ni dinding. Even worse, loghat utara bapak pekatnya! Sorry, bukan racist ya. Tapi, urgh.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Shut Up by Black Eyed Peas

This is Dedicated to ...

Past. Sometimes I'm not proud of it. Sometimes I wish I could erase it with just a snap of my fingers. Sometimes I felt embarrased whenever people brought it up. Sometimes I wish I have more money to pay people to shut up.

I cannot pretend that they never happened. I'm sorry.

You are not the same, not at all. I love you genuinely and straight from the heart. I never intended to see you compare or feel second-graded.

To Mohamad Zulhelmi Abdul Rahman, I adore you and I wish to take care and be taken care of by you. What happened in the past of yours and mine are now beyond our power. With God's will, this will all remain the same, InsyaALLAH. :')

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Far More by The Honorary Title

Mia 20.As 19.

Happy 26th!

I know, today is already the 29th. But August 26th is still very fresh. Love it, hate it, the smiles and the frowns are there to stay. I spent most of my life searching for someone who shares the same birthday as I am. All these while, I only know one person -- Macaulay Culkin. But tiba tiba, my brand new housemate (chewah! siap brand new!) is also born on the same date but in different time machine. Means, it was 20 for Mia and 19 for As.

So the day starts with plenty of texts pouring in. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As it is the fasting month, everything went along fine. And during the break fast time, the oh-so-tiny Dai made me French Toast a la Dai which awaken my taste buds. Then, sharp at 9, the boyfriend took me and the kembar out to Subway where we were forced to pose in many weird ways.

Balik balik je rumah, everyone was there *secara diam-diam* and they threw me and As a surprise party which I found out later that they had been planning it for two weeks! It was very pleasing and heartwarming. The housemate, the classmates, the Soul Sisters, the neighbours, the boyfriend, they were all there. They have balloons and mihun and cake and yessssss, PRESENTS! :) :)

It was nice to be on this side of the table. I am usually on the plan-and-do team. But on that day, I'm the Birthday Girl. What can I say? I felt very appreciated and happy. Never have I thought that it was they that would do this kind of thing, kan As? Out of everyone I knew, it was them who found me smiling.

Then, they told us to go find harta karun in our rooms. I found it. An oven which I have been dying to own and it fits well with Kaklia's present. As got herself a toaster which she adored. I know it sounds funny because we both got electrical appliances, but that is what we have on our wishlists and that shows how much they knew us.

Hihi : Cantik kau lukis banner tu. Pandai kau lukis. Ajoi dengan perut boyot tu paling tak tahan. Hehehe. Terima kasih, hihi. Lepas ni jangan malu malu lagi ;)

Mamaq : Giler sedap resepi kek kau. Meh, meh, siapa nak buat tempahan, Mamaq STF ada menyediakan perkhidmatan.

Fofo : Kalau kau tengok video time malam tu, kaulah yang paling semangat tepuk tepuk tangan. Award untuk kau -- the best cheerleader. Chewwah!

Yaya : You memang photographer of the night. You owe me the picturessssss. Thanx, ya! :)

Dai : Oh! Inilah yag you buat belakang I ya? Hehehe, I sukaaaaaa. Serious, I promise I takkan lupa birthday you lagi. ;)

Hasreen : Walaupun kau banyak menyakitkan hati aku minggu ni, tapi tak apa. Aku terharu dengan apa yang kau lakukan. Tak sangka aku kau sayang aku ya Hasreen ya? :D

Lala : La! Kau sangat sweet. Siap belajar guitar untuk nyanyi. :') Pandai kau and helmi dan mereka semua main nyorok-nyorok buat surprise ya. Terima kasih dari hati yang suci ini.

Daril, Ezzul, Din, Kerol : Thank you sangat sebab masakkan mihun yang sedap, banyak dan amat membuat hati tersentuh tu. Walaupun I banyak susahkan korang, korang baik jugak. Btw, Ezzul, dorang seua kirim salam. Especially Birthday Girl #2. Hehehehe ;)

Helmi : Thank you for everything that you've done for me. You made me really happy. Thank you for loving me and for paying attention to what I've been telling you. I could never repay you for the love you've passed on to me. :') I love you.

I won't talk about pakcik - pakcik Pesona yang gila tu. They only will ruin the mood.


To all, thank you again. I "sayang" you. Tahun depan ada lagi ;)





SONG OF THE MOMENT : Birthday Girtl by The Roots

I Am Annie

The guy next door said that I should name this post as it is. Because I am almost similar to a volcano. I'll erupt one day. He said I'm too nice to others. Well, but not as nice to him. As this is Ramadhan, I want to let it go and hope they vanish into the thin air someday.

• I am sick when people doesn't get it when I'm mad. When I am, it means that I am.

• I am sick when people thinks I am always happy, as if I have no trouble in the world. They can go shove their asses into the sand and sink and die.

• I am sick when people push me around as if I am a wheel cart that is movable all they want.

• I am sick of things. I can't state it too much, or I'll burn in hell because people read this.

:)


Whenever it feels as if everything is falling apart, be thankful of what you have and what you had gone through. Life is a lot of things. But a piece of mind, life is about having what you do not wish to have most of the time. We don't always get what we want. Or who we want. So brace yourself. Be strong. I know you're reading this and it is quite dreadful for me to know that whatever I've said to you cannot redo your emotions. When we linger around each other for too long, we start to feel too. And I cannot do this to myself as what you are doing to yours.



To you : I hope this month and after are gonna be another darling surprise for us two. Thank you for erasing my boredom for today with the connection. I don't think I can even hear the word "sleep" anymore. In case if you think I'm afraid to show it, I love you.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Adore You by Lil' Rain

Calling All Chai

Hello? *if you are a Chai, comment back to indicate yourself*

My name is Ameera Nur Diana. Most of you know me as Mia. In our secret Chai language, I'm Api.

I miss you.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Miss Jackson by OutKast

Look At Me, Look At Me

Attention, attention :)





To those who had fallen madly in love with headbands, and in deep need to be different and to stand out in the crowd, Please give a little attention to these handmade headbands. Meaning, there's only one for each design ;)







Here's a sneak peak of the lineup.

Sooooo, if you're interested, just email syahlia_syahril@yahoo.com. Or, you can drop by at Pick&Grab this Saturday. Oh and FYI, it's rm15 each. :)

Come on, pass the word around ;)

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Maybe Tommorrow by Stereophonics

Kawan.

As a friend, I cannot run from my resposibilities towards another. I can give you my words, a little piece of my wisdom. But in the end, it's you and your ears and your heart. :)



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Love Remains The Same by Gavin Rossdale

Pity One Pity Two

Sian dia sakit. :)


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Still Believe by Mariah Carey

8

Hello. Woke up today in dusk. Snoozing off the alarm seems the perfect thing to do at that very moment. But zero intention to be locked outside the Highway Lab again.

I want to fast forward my days to the 8th of August, where the numbers are 1 and 3.

I want to keep remembering the 8th of July, where it was 1 and 2.

I hope you get what I meant.


p/s : With you, I will always look forward to the number 8. I smiled, I cried. You hugged, you roared. :')



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Kau Yang Punya by Malique ft. Najwa

Please Tell Me I'm Wrong

If you’re buying a car, the most important thing to look at is its engine, its capability to reach miles, the horsepower, the technology used and not forgetting its fuel consumption. Then later you consider the outer part -- the interior design, the colour, what animal its light resembles, how spacious it is and obviously whether or not it provides airbags.

Now, now. The outer part of the car does not guarantees you that the car will satisfy your needs. It will only satisfy your wants. But the ability to serve you its best functions comes from the inner part -- the engine.

That is how love looks like. Yes, like buying a car. You saw a car, say, a Mini Cooper. You love it. You fell in love. And you think that shall be your ultimate car, you riding buddy. You approach the nearest showroom. You look at its very details. And at that moment, you saw another car that attracts you. It might not be as sporty, as pretty, and as eye-catching as the Cooper, but it seems okay. The person told you, this car that, this car this. That car gave you everything that you’ve ever wanted. That car provides the answer to your questions and doubts. You totally forgot about the Cooper. You bought THIS car. Why?

I cannot guarantee you that when you read this, you’ll get my point. But I can guarantee you that somehow, you know how it feels.

Love is not just a four letter words. Love is like picking up tiles for your toilet. If you pick the wrong colour, it won’t match your whole space. And if you pick the right one, it might have something else in its package.

Love is a feeling you feel inside. You cannot write it, see it, touch it, taste it and as well as sell it. You can feel and right now, I feel crushed.

One unique thing about human is that we can feel things. And one of it is this particular matter. And one obvious thing about love is that it has no laws that work on it, for it or even against it.

So the conclusion is, love does not have justice. Love does not have time to wait or even rewind the time back to the good memories. Love conquers your whole mind. Love lets you be someone you’re not. Love lies to you about the good times they will bring.

Love lets you forget your own love.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Part of The List by Ne-Yo

Eight, Seven, Six, Five, The List Goes On.

The clock's ticking. And every sheets of paper in the calendar is being torn each day indicating that the 5th of July is reaching. Fast.

And I can't help but hear myself talking to itself on the back of my mind. It echoes as if I have a twin walking with me all through the hallway.

So, I made myself a list so that I can extract almost everything in my head into papers, or screen.

1) Bila rambut nak panjang? I know some people prefers me with short hair compared to long because I am a very messy person. But, I want long hair. Although I know, as soon as it reach the shoulder, I would want to cut it. But, I want long hair. What say you?

2) Kenapa nak kena eja FCUK when you actually mean FUCK? You're doing it out of ...? Just say it. As if the others or the rest of the world doesn't know what you're trying to deliver. Don't blame it on the brand. Those are initials that represents words, in case if you didn't notice.

3) How to make pimple scars dissapear easily? Because I am tired of waking up in the morning, and stand in front of the sink to brush my teeth, and watch myself staring at myself and God forbids, with pimple scars all over it.

4) What do people do to allow themselves buy things as much as they want? I analyse myself and conclude that I need to tie my ass up and save JUST to buy ONE thing. And it's RM25. Are your parents showering you with cash instead of water? Your water heaters at home are filled with greens instead of blue? If yes, where do I get them?

5) I never have the desire to go out late at night for every possible day. And also go out during the day with that. I think that what makes me have little time to spend with people. Making me almost an anti-social. Making all the friends nag my ears out. But I love staying at home although what I do is expand my butt because they stay flat on surface constantly.

6) Kenapa mulut aku tak reti diam? Genetic mama ke?

7) Apa yang best sangat kat internet sampai orang boleh SURF. For me, I just stare. Then I'm done. Though the whole duration of staring are for hoursssssssssssss.

8) And God, howlah some people get so pretty?


SONG OF THE MOMENT : BoJangles by Pitbull

Murder Me, Music Man

It strucked me.

Like a lightning bolt straight to me head. My siblings are very art-sy. Should I be happy that I am not in a boring family, or should I be sad that I am not born with an artistic ability?


Okay. So here I am, with a sister so close to me like a zit on my skin who happens to be an exquisite graphic designer with deep passion for art and nice things. She have been doing crazy freelancing arts since college. Photography, Lomo, T-Shirt designing, decorating muffins, etc. And she is legally married to the brother-in-law, another graphic designer who enjoys browsing weird stuffs of Internet. He comes home and will probably asks,

"Have you seen that video of _________?" or,
"You know, you should check out this website."
Or something like that.


Okay, okay. Now the brother-in-law is also a DJ-slash-MC. Performing everywhere, mainly at Cloth&Clef. Even the newborn niece is showing some dance moves already. ;)


Okay, okay, okay. I have a brother. The only eagle in the family. The screaming cat among the mute. He is an ongoing musician for as long as I could remember. And he inherit that naturally straight from the father. So, I guess I know where he got it all. He's had few good remarks on his bass-ing credibilty. And he is married to the sister-in-law.


Okay, okay, okay, okay. The sister-in-law loves business. She has this online shopping thing, Laqoo which sells like ice-creams on a hot summer day. Her brand opens at Bijou Bazaar and she has good eyes for fashion, if that is not and understatement.


Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. My mother sings. Very well.




So. Where does that left me? And thee husband, yes?


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Shake and Pop by Steve Aoki

Benci

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I hate it when his pasts are controlling my mind. And the fact that his pasts are offering better pleasure than my present. Grrrrr.


You, sorry. :(



SONG OF THE MOMENT : The Show by Lenka

Painting It Red

Boys. Men. Male. Call them what you like. Even when you have your secret language or speaking in parcel tongue. They come in many shapes, sizes, colours, attitudes, habits, sounds, sights and et cetera. But mainly, they are the ones who kept the world going. They are the ones that can re-generate our excitement to study or even do the thing that makes us feel bored the most. They are who motivates us.

They made our tongues tied. Literally and physically.

They are the people who made us ask anyone, even strangers, "Is my hair okay?" . And when they are there, we suddenly flicker our eyelashes, and when asked we will definitely say, “There’s something in my eyes. Can you blow it away?” Ahh, the wonders they do.

I am literally tired of repeating myself that I have found mine. But nevertheless, there are a lot of girls out there who have found theirs but insist not to show, not to tell, to hide it all the way. Life is bloody short. And the shortcourse is getting even shortER! So we can’t afford to be the ones waiting anymore. Though I always wait, but seriously, just go for it. Shoot for the moon. Aim at the stars. Make them notice us in the way we wanted them to. Let them ask around about us, eventually, and satisfaction guaranteed.

Today, I watched her giggle all the way. Aim at the stars and the moon and the galaxy and the universe and the outer space and everywhere you could.



And on the other side of the world, I noticed that he was surrounded by pretty people. He was surrounded by those who are with pretty people. And it always works for pretty people. As it is always works for him. She cannot compete with that, as she cannot meet the expectations. She was and has always been living life in her own definitions. She was never that overwhelming, as she was never that warm or friendly. He was surrounded by everything she’s not.

Pity,pity her.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Aku dan Mimpi by Amylea

The Season is Here

The season is here. That's what it says above. Yeah. The baby season.

Bring in the babies, I can be the nanny. Grr.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Know You Want Me by Pitbull

Hihiy + Helmi

Tadi, baru je tengok blogpost Hihiy yang sangat digembar-gemburkan oleh penduduk A4-13. Oh, it was hilarious. If you are interested to become a fan, click here.

Spending you time in the middle of heat and trees and animals you've never thought existed will always get to you somehow. Life in crisis will seem to be at ease, though the rest of the time, you will think about how life sucks for you.

Jengka is an experience as the five of us - Mia, Hasreen, Lala, Hihiy and Helmi - will never thought that we'll spend 5 weeks here. No cheap food supplies, no entertainment, no whatever we used to have. But we seem to last well here ;)

Ma, jangan risau pasal mia. Cuma, sadly, duit mia dah habis disebabkan makan kat sini mahal giler. Ayam+nasi+telur = RM4.70. Tak larat nak bayar food tu kadang-kadang, tapi kalau tak makan, laparrrrrr. So.... :)

Boy boy, kau ni dah balik. Tapi sedih aku. Bulu hidung, batang hidung, helaian rambut merah kau tu semua aku tak nampak lagi. Tapi takpelah. Ada je orang kat luara sana yang dah terpisah 20 tahun, lagi kronik.

Eno, aku mintak mahapppppp le. Phone aku dah kena bar. So, kita gang. Aku dah kasi number Celcom aku, memanglah tak delivered kalau kau message aku kat 017.

Yeah, that's the message I think are most important to be said right now. Because after a blink of my eyes, I am still in Jengka, surrounded by heat and trees and animals I've never thought existed. Not to mention the expensive foods.

p/s : oh oh oh, Hihiy and Helmi are twins.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Knock You Down by Keri Hilson

Lipsy Lips.

Dramatic. Constantly over-stressing over things. Demand highly on whatever nonsense. Stubborn. Very hard-headed. Never listen to people's advises.

Some of the words used to describe who I am at my worst moments.

Not everyone get to experience that particular side of mine. Only those who are lucky enough will get the chance to. Or unlucky, in other words.

Treat me like in the movies. Where the girl got dragged into the ventilation room when she was stress so that she can feel the wind on her skin. The man's simple words were, "You'll like it."

Treat me like in the movies. Where the girl got chased all the very time even when she became a monster. And the man's simple words were, "Because I want to."

Treat me like in the movies. Where the man gave undivided, cliche, attention to the girl. And his simple words were, "Hey you."

Treat me like in the movies. And sweep me off my feet.

Treat me like in the movies.






SONG OF THE MOMENT : Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone by Bill Withers

Frozen Warnings.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Want It That Way by Baskstreet Boys

Natalie Kimpton

Hello Kuala Lumpur.

Things have been very tiring these few weekes. Been dragging my ass from KL to Jengka. And only one word exist to describe Jengka : Exhausting.


I seem to have blockage in my head that refrain me from writing what I'm thinking. But lately, I seem to think that it always works for pretty people. ALWAYS.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : You're So Damn Hot by Hot Hot Heat

Meratus Beratus Seratus Jeratus

Say hello to my 100th.

"Hello." * with a sly smile that curves only at the end of the lips*


I feel like a change is coming. A vibe is telling me, whispering that they'll come. Oh please, oh please, just accept whatever's happening.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Spaz *again* by N.E.R.D


p/s : one word : Lookbook.

Have To, Want To

Prefects bukan anjing sekolah.

To all of you, prefects are the people whom you prefer to call as "teacher's pet" or "tali barut" or whatever offensive words that exist in the brain. But in fact, after school ends, they are actually human beings who eventually will evolve and do things that are very likely to be similar to what you're doing too. And for your very information, they are not perfect. Although the letters used are the same to form the word PREFECT, they make mistakes. Just like you.

They were the ones who walk fast to the discipline room to inform the disciplinarians that someone did something.

They were the ones who gave you these ridiculous slips whenever you're late.

They sell you ribbons short enough to make you swear all the way to class.

They were the ones who never fails to make you roll your eyes and curse their whole family generations.

They were the ones who make this annoying sound. "Shhh, Shhh."

They were the ones who reminded you NOT to eat in class, NOT to be late to class, NOT to run in the hallways, NOT to bring phones to school, NOT to that and NOT to this.



Yeah, I remember them.


But actually, they were the ones who went to school way before everyone brush their teeth.

They were the ones who went up to the Headmistress' office ( dreadfully ) to invite her to the assembly.

They were the ones who took shifts doing the flags, MC-ing and even reading the Oath but eventually will receive nasty comments.

They were the ones who stood at the gate like fishermen who are waiting for a fish to catch. As if they like it.

They were the ones who HAVE TO carry silly boxes everywhere they go so that they could cater to your physical discipline needs.

They were the ones who get scolded, punished, sacked when the disciplinarians couldn't handle the school.

They were the ones who have to sacrifice their classes and precious Rehat time so that they are punctual.

They were the ones who prepare the PA system, the stage, the everything you see on Monday so that you can hear and see and sit and sleep as much as you want to.

They were the ones who have to take responsibilities for the actions that they did not make.

They were the ones who were asked to ditch their friends behind.



So, prefects bukan anjing sekolah.

Somehow, they still deserve the respect although you hate them to their roots.
Be reminded, they do not ask for any of the duties, they were asked to take up the responsibilities.

I may put it in an improper word. But not many of them want to, they have to.

Deep inside, those "anjing sekolah" can be proud of even the littlest things that they have done while in school. Their curricular background will seem to shine brighter too.


And yeah, saya pun bukan anjing sekolah. Terima kasih.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Shift The Gear, Change The Lane.

I don't like technology. Certain technologies just bring out the worst in me. Ugh. Takde mood nak tulis dah. Bodoh.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Friday I'm In Love by The Cure

Tolong Daku, Bantu Aku.

I don't know how to handle pain.

I cry, I keep my silence, I stare at the walls, I do nothing. I do not know how to handle pain.

There's a lot that is currently lingering in my head. At some point, I think my head just couldn't handle it anymore. So, hello hello, my retaining wall :)

I just finish the calculus paper, which I woke 23 minutes before the paper starts. So, I need to sleep like a fish.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : A Moment Like This by Leona Lewis

Too Shining

All of us want everyone's life but ours. I want my friend's life. How I envy her.

Stay there, I'm coming.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Laugh About It by N.E.R.D

Oh, Balik Kampung

Perjalanan pulang ke kampung halaman yang paling mencabar. Why, why? Accidents are everywhere. And the flood is getting higher and higher all over the place. Well, we have zero to blame though, because seriously there's none. If you want to blame those who construct, plan and make roads or others, trust me, Malaysia is SO not an easy place to do so.

p/s : no worries, ma. in the car with helmi, hihi and yaya. sian helmi.

double p/s : The weather is effing crazy!


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Blame It by Jamie Foxx

You Spin My Head Right Round.

So this is what happens when you have two hard tests on one day - You blog. You do stupid things. You wander around. You flee.

I am currently having a heavy headache caused by a great deal of tears just now. So when I stare at my Soil Engineering notes, all I can see is En. Hafeez and his mole. Not that I despise it, I actually enjoy it. Because at least now I have something that reminds me fondly of him.

Semester four is coming to its end. And this semester, I realised what and who is worthy of my trust. Because, face it, everyone is starting to unveil themselves. They started to show their bare skin and flesh to me which is erotic and undeniably frustrating.

But besides that, I am still confuse in giving trusts and earning trusts. *sob,sob*

To those who have shown me an appreciable and trustable erotic skin, thank you from the bottom of my butt. ( note : because my butt is bigger that my heart )

And to those who have shown me your dirty, ugly, fake and yucky true colour, I wish you with the things that can come out from my butt. :p


I have a renewed driving license. And naah, driving is not as hard as maths. It's like soil - harder.




SONG OF THE MOMENT : Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas

PP09 - RPI

Kucing pun tak nak share. Apatah lagi manusia.

It's that time of the semester again. Where you can see and watch painfully as the lectures press 8 once they enter the elevator. With them, there's a chin-up face and papers. Definitely. Deep inside, you're nervous and praying to God constantly so that it isn't you. It is not your name on the paper that is printed there. This is the exact time of the year where the lecturers can walk with satisfaction. And relieve.

Yes. You barred. You suck.




Hope you pass through the doctor, green shirt :)


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Will Be by Leona Lewis

100 Kisses, oh, Dream Killer

" Kemana hilangnya kita semua? Akal, simpati, sifat ingin membalas budi, in a simpler word, emphaty. Mana? How can we forget our roots, and also those wonderful hands that fed us right to our mouth? "

Questions which is not in any of our rights to answer. This falls on our sense to judge.



Somewhere in everybody's lives, we do know that we will one day lost ourselves. We'll go through an advance mid-life crisis regarding everything that we could ever imagine. And right now, my mid-life crisis is three.


Sorry for all those innocently made mistakes which I have no intention in doing to you. Not that I intend to steal, nor take, I think I was more afraid to lose.

Sorry for the time and gap left hanging in between. Time has been very jealous of our closeness that it stole the both of us away.

Sorry that when a gajah met a gajah, pelanduk will surely mati di tengah - tengah. We never meant to make you the pelanduk.

Doing things that do us harm is much much much much much easier than doing things that helps to boost the inner us.

Remember, ( though this is coming from someone who forgets occassionally ), hold on tight.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Spaz by NERD

Send You Back?

History. It's not something you can simply delete. There's no Delete button, no F5, no Backspace. All you can do is remember and ignore, and hope things will work out your way.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Don't Care by Ricky Martin

Gaia. Muthu. Keunggulan.

I remember a story about a girl with a broken shoe. Kasut yang patah dua. Don’t be sad, that girl isn’t me. And that is also not a scene that I am in.

I have a life. I have my Edward Cullen, my Chuck Bass. He’s my Edward Cullen in a way that he wants me for a lifetime and will always be there for me no matter from behind the bush or faraway, he is the same guy who won’t let me give up my life just so that I could worship or devote myself to him. He’s my mortal Edward Cullen. And he is definitely my Chuck Bass because chasing after him is like chasing your own shadow. Very near but very impossibly hard to get. We are the same two people who have been secretly chasing after each other for years. Despite the sad fact that we always let the other go away the moment we get a hold of one finger, we are always relieved for getting a slight touch of that finger. And there you go. My Cullen, my Bass.

I feel a small competition is slowly taking over me. A competition on standing out better that you do. If you know who you are, don’t be afraid. I do not want to win your trophy.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Let Your Hair Down by Nelly Furtado

Venezuela, Puerto Rico, World.

I am currently feeling all Brit-Emo thing. Reading wisdom words that actually came from my friends' mouths. Listening to songs with six-feet-under, very deep meanings. And hardest, feeling like I am a part of that crowd that drove the above people to write.

Mixed feelings are what inside of me. A miss-you, hate-you, wannabe-wise, total-wandering blend with 4 swirls of whipped cream on the top.

The night sounds so quiet, though I can hear Hasreen snores clearly. My phone definitely is not making any sound.

I miss. I miss boy. I miss bell. A lot. I miss eno. I miss ha.

Why is it hard to miss family members rather than friends? Because missing friends is what keeps the bond alive. Missing family is permanent. Although they're in front of you, after 5 minutes, you actually felt as if you miss them already.

I miss my male bestfriend. He lost his way to Venezuela, maybe?


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Already Miss You by The Kooks

It's Not Easy To Be You.

Deep inside, everybody is dying to be a princess. Because everybody hates being the number 3. ( fyi, 3 is the loneliest number ) Today, I am the number 3. And I am also the girl who will eventually die of wanting to be a princess. Wake up and smell the coffee, the world is not as pretty as it looks like. And I know for a fact that I definitely am not a princess.

Maybe right now, you are too busy being The Sims, and I am a 3. But that doesn't change the fact that to my eyes, in your eyes I will always have to be a Princess of El Salvador.

People need, people want. But which do we have to have? The needs, or the wants? I want too many things. And I need just one thing.

I need to be an El Salvador princess to you.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Love Game by Lady Gaga

2c' Ka is an Equation

Life is not like a piece of cake. It has never really even came close to a piece of cake, actually.

So, to make it simple. We need people to be filled in our daily life. And those people are mainly called friends. And one thing that all of us should learn is friends are meant to be kept. But in certain special cases, should not even be kept.

We can find friends, but we can't find trust.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : The Way I Are by Timbaland

Sila Bawa Bersabar.

Patience.

It's not something that I have in me. Definitely.

Do you agree?

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Kau Ilhamku by ManBai

(pssstpssst. please recall the image when i sang the song)

Bukan, Okay?

All things that are made to be sold have a brand. And every brand will always be labelled in a lot of words. High-street, kampung, bundle, indie, designer, et cetera, et cetera.

In the real world where not everything is as colourful as a box of crayons and not every girl will get a knight in shining armour, that brand is us. Yes, we do have our own label. Yes.

We are all labelled in a way. Some of it might be those who are labelled as miss-goody-two-shoes, the bimbo, the plastic, wallflower, jock, the joker. Be it anything, but all of us are labelled. Today, I experienced something that made me realised what am I labelled as.

I am the one who are always attached.

I don’t blame gravity for falling in love. And I definitely don’t blame my fickleness for this label. This is a label that I have to accept because what people think is subjective and it is out of our own control. It’s not a problem to be attached. But it will be to those who think that being attached to the opposite sex is something that is undefined. Or to their eyes, it’s like toothache.

We can’t expect things to always go our way. So does what other people say. Let them be.

But you know what? Look at it this way. When the male carry around the girlfriend like some kind of bowling trophy, it’s a full touchdown. They are THE man. But when the female carry around the boyfriend with pride, it’s like an un-oxygenated world. They are tied with a dead knot.

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Blog dicipta untuk menyuarakan pendapat, buah fikiran, kata hati dan kadang-kadang untuk meluahkan perkara yang paling pelik dan buruk yang ada dalam suara kepala kita. Blog tiada salah dan tiada benar. Blog memang salah satu cara untuk kita meluahkan isi hati kita bila kita rasa dah tak ada manusia yang boleh faham apa yang kita cuba cakap atau dapat setuju dengan pendapat kita. Itu adalah antara objektif utama yang membuatkan saya blogging. So, jangan salahkan saya kalau sepanjang anda meluangkan masa untuk membaca blog saya, hati anda terguris. Mungkin bukanlah anda penyebab saya memiliki teori sebegitu, cuma anda yang merasakan hal itu adalah mengenai anda. Bukan.
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I’m not a little princess anymore. I know how to take care of myself and also how to take care of things around me as good as I could. And you should quit judging people.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Hate This Part by Pussycat Dolls

Sunday Morning Rain is Falling :)

You're a part time lover and a full time friend

The monkey on you're back is the latest trend

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train

I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple

We sure are cute for two ugly people

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me

So why can't, you forgive me?

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

I will find my nitch in your car

With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

Up up down down left right left right B A start

Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

You are always trying to keep it real

I'm in love with how you feel

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage

You want more fans, I want more stage

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man

My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance

You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

But you

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches

Thank you to Mamaq.

And to you, I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.

Ti.Ee.En.

Thank you :

1) To those who have been far from sight, but not far from heart. You know who you are, GSL.
2) To my lovely friends who have never went away from me although I, sometimes , have been a bitch to them.
3) Mama and ayah, who never fail to shower me with their unending love and care.
4) My 3 beautiful sisters and my superhero brother for always providing me comfort in their weird, berserk ways.
5) My two colourful and chirpy classmates who have been my crime-partners for the past 4 semesters. Without you two, the class will just be 4 walls and a silent movie.
6) N.K, Y.A.A.K, E.A.R who to me are my truest chai and most trustworthy confidantes.
7) A.A.M.N, S.F.M.R, N.H.H, N.Z for being able to create the most chaotic chaos in a second.
8) Mohamad Zulhelmi Abd Rahman for always in selfless will to accompany me through hot and cold.
9) W.F.A.W.A.G ; if I am to be a car, you will always be my engine.


10) And to those who have been an A-Class bitch to me, may God bless your soul.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Torn by Natalie Imbruglia

A Tribute

It's not easy to get someone to walk forward while having their hands in ours. For some people out there, they really know how hard it is and they dig the deepest way below just to search for a slight thing called comfort. People leave in every way. They leave us mentally, emotionally and physically. One piece of advise to those who can feel me pinching their side asses, stay as strong as you could. And when it all feels like suicide, walk off and don't look back. As for me, I found comfort in every way these days. As those days are serving me with gratitude. Y.A.A.K, this is for you.

A day in total foolishness doesn't hide those grieves we have inside. True friends know it when we see each other. Nervertheless, the phrasing "True friends are the best reflection of yourself" is quite true once you've been through it all. You know what? I know. We know. So, there goes a pat on your back and us telling you that it's alright.

At the end of this very day and this very post, I realised something. Huge. Massive. A total blowout. I have true friends :) Dear friends who have always been there for me to support and to hold on tight to what we have.

This is for all of you.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Terima Kasih Cinta by Afgan

Marie Digby Is Pretty II

Mohamad Zulhelmi Abdul Rahman.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Kau Yang Punya by Malique feat. Najwa

One Cow, Two Cows.

One minute will never be enough.


It's seven to thirteen.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes

Do You Still Remember?

I want to say.

Wan Farhah Adiba Wan Abd Ghafar.

It's amazing how people still remember other people. But what more amazing is how we don't. I do remember you. And I miss you a lot. :(



I still remember those days where we walk from school to all the places we've been. In fact, up until now, if I am to go to Ampang, and I pass through Pandan Jaya LRT station, all I could think of is you. That sounds gay, but you were and are like the twin sister I've never had. And I miss you.

Things may be awkward between us now because of the numbers in distance. But it will never change the record and memories of who you are in me.

Whatever may happen to you or me, just so you know, you always have my back.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Viva Forever by Spice Girls

Sugar.Spice.And.Everything Nice.

Cari pun tak guna. Sebab dia ada depan mata. Jelas jelas depan mata. Apa yang dia dah bagi tu semua tak dapat nak kasitahu dengan tepat. Secara kasar, dia dah tunjuk apa yang perlu untuk letak tepi setan yang ada dalam kepala ni.

Ramai je yang keluar masuk, tolak tarik, buka tutup pintu hati ni. Tapi semuanya pasti end dengan keluar, tolak dan tutup. Dia? Dia sentuh pintu tu lembut lembut. Dia kasi perhatian yang sangat dibutuhkan oleh gadis-gadis.

Dalam blog ni, semuanya ditulis tanpa rasa malu atau censorship. Manalah tahu, in the future benda ni tak seindah yang diharapkan, I can learn from it without shy too.

You taught me how to put aside my ego. Maybe not much, but it is in progress.
You taught me to think before I act.
You let me be absolutely me around you. Nothing to hide.
You watch all the stupid habits of mine, and you think it's funny.
You made me the me now.
You told me to be softer and nicer and kinder to other people.
You take care of me as if I'm gonna go away forever tomorrow.
You became selfless while you are loving me.

Dia bukan orang yang paling sopan dan sabar yang wujud dalam dunia ni. Tapi dia antara orang yang paling sabar dalam dunia saya dan dia buat semua tu dengan penuh sopan dan santun. Nak kata rindu? Kita attached macam lift dan butang butang turun naik lift tu. Tapi cukup tu memang jauh panggang dari api. Dari dia, saya belajar macam-macam. Saya harap saya banyak ajar dia juga.

Love is unselfish. So, be nice to it. Terima kasih, cinta. Awak ajar saya untuk tidak jadi selfish dalam relationship ni. You got me lovestoned.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : You Make It Real by James Morrison

Tapi Itu Warna Merah

Nama : Ameera Nur Diana bt Munawar
Age : Gonna be 20 in 7 months
Interests : Straight guys, future in Structure and a colour right after green and slightly before teal.

There are a few things that have slowly stolen my attention away.

1) One obvious thing is, I have never liked cicak. For one reason, I seriously can’t remember what cicak is in English. Pity, pity.

2) You have been my go-to person. Even though I wear clothes not by trend, but by instinct, I always give it 2-seconds to think whether or not you will fancy me if I were to be a stranger. You are one of the worst person that will pay attention to me if I choke and cough, but I will try to choke and cough in front of you as many times as I could, even though I had to do it deliberately. You have also taken the #1 spot as the best person to raise my temper, but I always act as though I’m mad just to feed your ego. You are officially one of the worst listeners of all times, but I will still choose you to talk to, no doubt. You are many things that I hope you’re not. And you also occupied the full list of the things I want to change. But despite that, you are the many, everlasting list of the things that I need. Yeah, the absolute things that I need to show me which way to growing up.

3) I found myself in serious common grounds as Baie, my classmate. If you were to be close enough to both of us as Hasreen is, you will definitely notice the similar share of DNA codes between him and I. Sometimes it’s scary. Cancel that. MOST times, it’s scary.

4) And for this week, I put some effort in me to list down the people or the things we do that I will miss. Or, I have already been missing a lot. And in addition, those who have left us like wind. Soundless. Echoless. News less. Everything ---less.

5) And for some reason, I really think that UiTM should accomodate us all with free, unlimited wi-fi that can connect us to the cyber world no matter where we are in the campus. Ni tak, kat food court yang jauh kat hujung tu dapat, kat kolej dapat, kat Pusat Islam dapat, kat HOTSPOT dapat, TAPI kena beli prepaid apa benda tah. Malam malam buta bila semua orang dah penat baru dapat. Itu pun, eventhough we are connected to the so-called-world.wide.web, I think a turtle can reach Sungai Petani just for us to upload a page. *literally*

So, I rest my case.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Make Me Pure by Robbie Williams

Today?

Hari ini saya discover cara nak warna-warni kan post. Ya, ya, saya ketinggalan zaman dan buta IT. Tapi takpelah. :) Saya happy.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Kejoraku Bersatu by Search

Gold or Water?

It’s funny what love can make you do.

A phrase that is so cliché and at the same time, though many failed to admit, is true. Many of us chose to deny the fact that we always do funny things when we are in love, or when we think we are. Love is a concept that exists and lives in our head and soon takes control of our heart and eventually our system. The latter is what makes us do all those funny and undeniably crazy things at times.

Is it so hard for us, modernized-human-beings to see with our heart and to listen with our mind? And is it that easy to not notice those around us who actually have feelings, just like us? People. We are a bunch of repulsive people who only think of ourselves than to include others. But do you know what makes us the worst kind? Those who doesn’t know their own heart, and live by the idea and thought that we, actually know who we are.

In life, there are times where we stumble across a block of gold. And at that point of time, we really worry and became unconsciously concerned about the gold because to our mind, it’s an important thing. You see, we thought it works that way because we rarely see gold before our eyes every day. That’s what makes the gold important. It’s rare.

The fact is, there are bulks of other important things in our lives but we failed to notice because it has always been there. Stagnant.

Example : water. We do know that it’s important to us. But we take it for granted because water came into our lives in a humongous portion. Thus, we failed to appreciate water as much as we appreciate gold. Sometimes, we even think that water is not important at all until a point when we either lose it permanently, or when we suddenly found ourselves being allergic to water.

Now, now.

Po, you are water.
Important, (too important, in fact). But because you are always there, I constantly and frequently forget that you are.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Everybody Hurts by R.E.M

Days.

Dearest, dearest you.

You know how you always come up to me and tell me how weird your girlfriend is, and how retarded she seems. Yes, you did say that. And yes, your girlfriend can read this too. But deep down, I think I know how exactly to classify your girlfriend.

She is the type of girl who won’t call you when she is crushing on you, so you will have to call her. She won’t come talk to you too during that time, so you should go talk to her. When you two are hitting on each other, she’s not going to let you act stupid and pretend that she likes it. And when you are with your friends, she won’t run into your arms no matter how much she wants to. You need to come up behind her and wrap your arms around her so that everyone will turn their heads to you two. You should always be around her and allow yourself to be vulnerable at the same time too. She loves you more than you can imagine. And no matter how much she doesn’t show it, she does. But you, you need to show her how much you love her and then she won’t be afraid to show it back to you.

Honestly, I don’t really know how to tell you from where did I get the idea to tell you all these. Or even how did I happen to know so much about your girlfriend. It’s just that, she seems like a complicated character to understand and she looks interesting to analyze. Though I know how you felt about her, but I believe that she felt the goose bumps whenever you look her in the eye, or tell her that you love her exactly the way she is.

And do you remember that day when you asked me why do I love someone? And I didn’t answer that question, because honestly, I was speechless? Remember? Well, I did some thinking, and I found my answer.

I love someone not because of the kiss, but it is when he put his hands on my back while he gently pull me closer. And it’s that innocent smile he gave after our lips met and the way he look into my eyes right before. You see, it’s not about the kiss, but it’s about the feeling I get. And that small tiny feeling that I felt make me realize how I actually love someone.

Can you give that to your girlfriend? No matter how hard she is to you?

Well you,
I think you can go from here in giving the best of you to your miss. Because all of it comes from inside of who you really are.


Yours truly.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Situasi by Bunkface

Round Mirrors, Square Mirrors.

Sometimes I want an F5 button to always be somewhere behind the bush of everyone's back. Or better, Alt+F4. People tend to stay in a situation that they want to escape and stay in a situation that they are suppose to escape. But mostly, people rarely come out of their hiding. Men with no balls and girls with fake pussies hide behind a big tree whenever they have a chance. Well, hit the F5 button now so that you can refresh and remind yourself who you really are behind those masks and underneath all the clothes.

Anyone out there who claimed themselves as a human will definitely let the cells in their brain to ponder about their tendencies to run and push the nearest Exit door and actually realised that, God, we are all wusses. And in conjuction to the new year of 2009 and the recent presence of 1 Muharram, please beg yourself to change and step out to the wild and nasty world. As shitty and scary as it is, we have no choice but to go through it. Mungkin sakit, tapi itu hidup kita.

I don't write as wonderful, or as brilliant, or as sensible, but I see people around me walk in circles and stumbling across the same rock everytime they walk past them.

We made our toast, but will we wake up to the sounds of our glasses?

To the assholes who loved us, left us and lied; karma works.
And to the bitch who stood in front of a dickless dickhead; YOU're unethical.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : That's Not My Name by The Ting Tings.

Papa Jahat Sangat Ke?

Life is such a mess.

And precisely, life doesn't have a specific definition. There's nobody to tell you what is the true meaning of life, or a true meaning of what is going on in it.

I came to know the truth about some people. That they don't have the guts to say what's on their mind. They runaway. Or be two-faced just to gain and re-gain their establishment on others. The most hurting as a blunt knife will be this following phrase : " Tapi ada muscle pun tak guna la kan, if he doesnt have the two balls behind his penis. Haih. Whatever la kan. "


Sakit. Sakit.


Kadang-kadang manusia ni dia dah rasa macam "I'm on top of the world", or "I'm the Statue of Liberty", or "I'm good, you suck".

Susah.

And yes, everytime we speak, as we are uttering the words, go imagine that there's a mirror in front of us and see how ugly we look when our egos are taking over who we really are. And behind it all, the egos are busy doing a happy-feet dance because NEWSFLASH! You are THE asshole.

Saya selalu makan hati, sakit hati, iri hati, pendam hati dan semua hati bila saya duduk dan perhatikan hidup saya berjalan, merangkak, berlari, melompat, berdiri sesuka hati. Dan saya paling selalu susahkan diri bila saya tahu makhluk di luar sana susah, suka, sedih, gembira dan sebagainya. Nak kata saya apa? Mungkin dalam banyak banyak manusia, mana ada antara kita yang ada hak nak judge orang lain. So, in a simpler word, I leave it to Allah SWT to judge who I really am. And also, what I have become.


SONG AT THE MOMENT : Papa Jahat by The Fabulous Cats

8 December 2008 - you look dazzling in white.

hello is far too overrated to say as a first word-of-the-day. For the record, selamat hari raya aidiladha. And to those who are feeling lonely, boo-hoo! (it's you kan, sharil :p) And to Mia, happy 5.

As a self-help beyond imagination line, I, personally came to a conclusion that I am definitely not a Princess of Morocco or any other countries in the world. And I would like to greatly apologize to you because NEWSFLASH : you're not the Prince of any countries too. So, we all have flaws and we're imperfect in every possible ways, that's why we are called human beings. Low-moraled, selfish, annoying, hard-headed brats.

We are living in a borderless world where people need to learn to co-exist with everything despite the different thoughts, beliefs, rituals, etc. while staying true to who you are under those clothes, make-up and bare skin. Underneath it all, do you know who your friends are? As in, not those who are up for laughs, but true friends who respects you for who you are. They accept your pros and cons and definitely won't expect you to change or do things differently just to please them. (note:although you give silly advises, say nasty things, weren't there when they called. Yeah, in a simpler word, when you were being a total pain in the arse)

To keep is hard, but to find is even harder. Don't be mistaken with every breathing soul that lingers around you. They may know you, but not love and appreciate you the way you think they do.

So, go out! Go find those who know your deeeeeeeeepest, darkest secrets, and also have found your shameful major flaws BUT love you dearly anyways.

Treat your people the way YOU want to be treated. *and cross your fingers that they do*

Love comes from heart, not head.

And dear brother, I will not trip, I will not trip.
Moto Moto, come home, come home.
Mak Boyot, I have talent. So, you can book me starting now.
Oh Ibu, Oh Ayah, saya degil macam para kilangnya.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : When I Grow Up by PUSSYcat Dolls.

Illiterate? No, Sir, No.

Who would ave tought, tat sometimes te people tat we tought couldn't care less about us, are actually tinking about te best for us in every living seconds of teir lives.

Kepada kawan kawan saya yang sedang struggle for soil kat faculty,
terima kasih daun keladi, sem depan kita sare ilmu lagi :)

In case you are reading tis and thinking that I am far beind in terms of technology, no people, I am definitely not illiterate and i know how to use the computer. The fact tat te letter "H" at tis kena hentak kuat kuat baru nak muncul. Sorry :)


SONG OF TE MOMENT : In Te Ayer by Flo-Rida

Bukan Forever

Saya rindu segalanya.

B, E, H, S, L.

Saya rindu segalanya.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Aku Cinta, Aku Rindu by Ajai and Nurul


p/s: Bell, they are the perfect example of aku-kata-aku-cinta-kaulah-cintahati-sampai-mati-tapi-sekarang-berpisah-dah-aku-taknak-kau-dah. Be strong, love. There is always hope.

Bottle . Message . Hope.

Friends to me are like muffins. Or maybe cupcakes. Or cakes. They are sold at high price and are extremely cute you thought you could die if you don't buy. But the price or the appearance doesn't guarantee the taste is THAT nice. True, true. Kawan ni tak semuanya suka stay kat tempat sama. Susaaaaaaaah nak carik yang suka stay put. They move like gas particles. Yes, dayah darl, what you said is the inspiration because I do feel that true friends are now myths. Everyone, stop for a moment. Look around.

Mana kawan kawan yang kita rasa memang akan ada kat tepi kita forever, until death do us part, bitch over bros?

TAK ADA. NONE. ZERO.

Grrgrr. I look at muffins now, or cupcakes, I felt like shoving my own puke into my deep throat. Life is a mess. But there are other people out there who have messier life than all of us do. So hang on to that tiny little rope, and search for the light that we all once thought exist in all our friends. Nonetheless, they are the ones who will stay somewhere at that dark corner, waiting for a perfect time to creep out from their hiding. I've been hiding in that dark corner, and no, I don't like it. It sucks. It stinks. At some point, it felt like suicide.

Bila orang yang mia anggap kawan sampai mati tu nak bawak mia keluar dari tempat ni? Dahlah gelap, busuk pulak tu.

Dah. Thinking too much brings you nowhere, sunshine. Smile. Sometimes life is better lived on your own two feet rather than hoping someone else will pick you up and carry you.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Spinning Around by Kylie Minogue

Fly, Dead Fly.

Calling all angels.

I have one wish : Save those that needs to be saved.

Everyone have their problems, and everybody needs an angel. Or maybe a knight in shining armor. I need an angel. Out of all the angles out there, can one please step forward? Not to save me though, but to save my darling, darling Bubbles.

Grrr. I wish I can be an angel and save her. And save them. But, I'm helpless too. So, somebody save me?



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

Satu Dua Tiga GO.

This is how the cyberworld goes around and around. It connects you to absolutely everyone. I guess that is why people call it technology. And I guess that's how some brands got their taglines. Yeap, sometimes in cyberspace, you have zero privacy. And when you thought you thought you have one, people came barging in to it like your personal space is just a wide open farm for cows. It works both ways, though, the good and bad.

So, I was wandering around in people's blogs, which leads me to more people's blogs, and more people's blogs and more and more and more. At that second, I was like "Pheww." Well, the only reason I did that was because I was tired of doing programmes in C++ that I have to submit tommorrow and the software installer I just bought couln't be installed into my laptop. So, yeah. I'm tick-tacking keyboards in a Computer Lab in campus, just to notice that there are many rooms that I haven't noticed here. Psst, I've been here for a year and someone said I always looked lost.

I can't help but to think "Why lah mama ayah letak nama Mia tu Ameera Nur Diana? kan ada banyak lagi nama dalam dunia ni. Bukannya nama tu buruk, cuma kenapa dalam banyak banyak nama, pilih nama tu?" THAT is exactly why sometimes I killed my self in imagination. I ask things like that. Which drives people crazy! But I guess it's better than ignorant. It kills faster.

I wish I could take out my self and let her talk to me. So that she can answer my "Why lah mama ayah letak nama Mia tu Ameera Nur Diana? kan ada banyak lagi nama dalam dunia ni. Bukannya nama tu buruk, cuma kenapa dalam banyak banyak nama, pilih nama tu?"

So here it goes. Just something I found from someone that led me to someone, which led me to someone, which led me to someone, which led me to someone, which led me to someone, which led me to something.

WHAT YOUR NAME : AMEERA NUR DIANA : REALLY MEANS.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

So, teehee! Just let your hands guide you. Go barge into people's privacy. Duh, to some extend, that's what cyberspace is all about. ;)


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Sempurna by Andra and the Backbone

Everything Is Yellow.

Kali ni, memang Bahasa Melayu tengah menguasai diri. Hehe.

Ala, sorrylah kalau tengah online memang saya sukaaaaaaa nganga. :) And sharil, i memang tak tahu nama kuih kura-kura tu yang betul apa. Haha. Tapi yang I tahu, dalam blog you, I sememangnya seekor kura-kura.

And, Mohamad Zulhelmi, pembeli kuih untuk Ameera Nur Diana yang terbaik. :)


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Yellow by Coldplay

Phase. Sorry. All Is Forgiven.

Phase. Everybody is living on a phase. It vary for everyone.
As for me, I am comfortable in my phase right now. It's making me smile. Thougn sometimes, it's hard as hell.

Anyways, I'm writing on the 7th day of Syawal and I am taking this chance to express my deepest apology to every eyes that are currently reading this. Maaf zahir batin.

And for those at heart, I miss you. I don't need to type it all out, you know who you are.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Balik Kampung by Allahyarham Sudirman Haji Arshad

Sometimes Is A Huge Word

"The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. –Mother Teresa"

Yet, people still suffer from teribble loneliness. Sometimes we can't help but to fall in love. But the second that kill us is the moment where we realise that we have created a loss, a big blackhole that sucks us into a far, far, nowhere land. Sometimes, it's really us. Yeah, digging that hole seven-feet under us only to find that one day, we are in that hole we've dug.

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

Come on. Take a good look around. Ask the person next to you, how many 'No' has she or he received? As for me, gazillions. But it's okay. Life goes on. Unrequited love is not the end of the world. So pick up your ride and move. I told a friend of mine, that to me, life is a long, mysterious road. I don't know where I might end up. Or with who. And my friend said that, we're not even halfway there yet. True. The time is too short to be thinking of the thing that might have or should have happened.
If they don't, just walk. Don't run. You might miss some interesting shops along the road. ;)

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."

Again, it's true that we can't really blame ourself for the gravity in love. Having a gazillion 'No' in life doesn't stop me from waiting. If we know that there is where we should end up at the end of the mysterious road, and if we know that THAT is the person we will end up with at that end of the road, then don't stop waiting. Sometimes one loss is not the end of the world.

"Death can not stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while."

After my blog end for today, I learnt one thing, the last quote is true. ;) And oh, oh, mine was just delayed a few years. Hope I had found my road. And I hope so will you.


p/s : A huge, warm congratulations to Mrs. Syahlia Albina Sari who will soon be a gracious, proud mother.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : You're Beautiful by James Blunt

1-0

Does the word love find their own way to us, or it's how we play it?

What Say You?

Today, something hit my head. Hard. Life is moving too fast. Well, maybe my life. My life is moving too fast. Like those race cars fast FAST. Yes. THAT fast. *ehem. count the word fast mentioned there*

Things on my life are contantly hard to keep up with. Not that I want it to be that way, that's just the way they are.

To talk about time, is a waste of energy. As time is now running, not walk or strut. Surroundings? Oh yes, Penang is hot just the way it. And KL is the perfect example of a hot-dry-wet-sticky-massive congestion place. And people? Oh, tell me about it.

So. Knowing me, or not truly, just hope that I'm not talking about you.

1) People who used to be in, are now out. Or halfway out. Or halway in.

2) Those who I thought will be there when I turn my head back, are not there. Sigh.

3) Unexpected people came from every direction, giving me the best of themselves. And bringing out the best in me.

4) People I look up to are doing things that shock me. What were you thinking?

5) Trying to move forward, but really, they kept hitting rewind. Give a tight smack to yourself out of favour.

Life is hard enough. Things in between are causing rapid haywire. Even worse.

God. Can't even find a word to say. Everything is apparently making me stay at the same point every single day.

So, what say you? Be my only hope to smile, please, world. Is everyone like that these days? Out of, what, civilization? Or development? Or plain boredom?


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Stop and Stare by One Republic

Destination or Journey : Take Your Pick.

People say that life is not about the destination, it's about the journey.

True, true, I agree.:) :) :)

But sometimes we stumble upon those days in our life that we really think that life is about the destination instead of the journey, because journey sucks.

Journey sometimes takes us to places that we don't want to end up at. Sometimes those places kill us. Sometimes journey made us shake hands with strangers that we don't want to get to know at all.

I'll say it once and I'll say it now : My used-to-be obsession, Mr.D, you are the journey that I despise a lot. It's because I felt like a well-groomed cat going to a dirty, ratty place whenever I think of you.

So, journey sucks and let's erase those roads.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Leave by JoJo

Changes Is Fun?

Everything is changing. Change is a big word. As hurting as this might sound, everything changed rapidly and I am missing the emptiness that the change brought in me. I am in Penang currently, and I am liking the fact that H is here to calm me down and straighten things up for me. But the crowd : different, just like how we differ A and Z.

Some changes are good for the soul. Some, it breaks you to tears. I've seen how change can break you, destroy you and weaken you. But eventually, we have to realise that good things will come later in our lives. Not ALL good things come to and end.

Back home, my sister, MY sister is married. That change is good for everyone. That is the change that I like.

But I can't come home to see someone cry because their world collapsed in the middle of the way. Those shit happened because people just can't appreciate beauty like they should. Those people should die. They torture souls that aren't theirs. They come in when they feel like it, they walk out when they feel like it. One word : BODOH

Change. Everything has changed. It changes by the day, when I open up my eyes to greet the morning sun. But I am trying to pretend like I live like an empty glass, meaning, zero expectations.

I think this is gonna be EF-YOU-EN.




SONG OF THE MOMENT : What You Got by Colby O'Donnis

Made Of Honour

Ever give a slight thought of holding your own best friend's hand? Oh, please do. The world keep saying that there is no such thing as platonic friendship, the one where a she and a he are JUST friends. I used to be one of those who will stand up front and lead the pack that agree on the mentioned matter : That A Girl and A Boy Can Be Just Friends. But now? Where is my standings on that? Is this a matter of principles, or it's just a plain theory that I shouldn't put a lot of belief in?

If this is just a theoritical statement, why on Earth are there a bunch of people who are in a relationship with the best friend?

Give it a thought now, yes Dayah, try.

It would be a wonderland if you are to be with your best friend in a further relationship. They are the ones who know you best, don't you think? It'll be a huge risk, but if it is a success, you will smile all the way.

I won't label myself as a hypocrite, just because I used to think that platonic friendship exists. Love differs for everyone, and right now, I chose to think that I found my new love.



Yes yes, you, I am putting a permanent stand on this.
Best friends, boyfriends, they are the same. It's the whole capital B and capital F combined.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat

I Dedicate My All To You :)

Yes, people. Saya sedang curi tulang.

The whole house is like a chaotic fun fair now. My dad's friends are painting the hall, there are these apeks arranging the bride and groom's bed frame, mama is missing in action. People are everywhere! I can't even differentiate who's who anymore. And I am here, totally 100% ready to give my full dedication and service as a driver. Yup, you read that right. I drive people evrywhere they want to go. But FYI, I am a terrible driver.

Dearest all,

We might not know when our life will end, true? So, I would like to tell you what is in me now.


Ayah : You are my only daddy in this whole wide world, and I love you to death. I might not be the best child you could ever wish to have, but I tried my best to fulfill your wishes. I guarantee you a 3-pointer every semester, and I hope to have full grasp of your love until my last blown breath.

Mama : Mummy, mama, ibu, mak, bunda, umi. Whatever it is called, you are ours to share and mine to own. Let loose, ma. We only have one life to fulfill every desire. I love you and please, just please, loosen up more.

KakLong : Thanx for the help all these while. I want more nieces, please long. :)

KakNgah : I haven't seen you in ages. But I know you're gonna pop that baby in a matter of days and I wish you love.

KakLia : God. This is gonna be a long one. All these hecticness in the house is because of you and your upcoming wedding. All the IFs in the world are gonna come later as you scroll down. After a complete 18 years 10 months and 10 days, I am gonna have to bear the fact that you are getting married. By mouth, I will always say I'm okay. But, just shush alright? I am not going to see your face on the other side of the bed anymore because you are on the other room, snoring your soul out. And hell yeah, you belong to someone now so it will never be the same routine anymore. There's just simply no more of those Mama's famous late night nags. IF you are to go to Bali for honeymoon, hello hello, I am like a small fish waiting to be fed here. IF you are going to move to another house, I am going to be the official permanent resident there, sister. :) And oh, IF you are wondering, yesssss, I do miss you. Already.

Abang : For the love of God, cut that awful hair and moustache!



To the lovely ladies of Chai,

Boy : I love you, Brighton Girl. Give me a bloody hug!

Qa : Do not worry about anything. Aku tatap kau hampir tiap hari, you deserve the best because you knew you do.

Eno : Three words - Take.It.Slow.

Bell : ONE WORD, BELL! KAHWINLAH

Epa : Germany lost, pa. Haha!

Ben : Kau tetap sexytary, I won't take your place. Eheh. Aku bukan Nala.

Nala : Kita serupa, Nal. Same cases, different faces. I know how it feels. But trust me, once you got yourself out of it, it's far more worth it than what you expected.

Wani : Distance are just numbers. To hell with it.



And those everyday people,

Dayah : You are THE best roommate one could ever wish for. Pity At. I love you.

Syarul : It's okay. Sometimes a nice door is not the perfect door. Enjoy the opened one, yea?

Afiq : Fishing dah. Next, you kena bakar ikan untuk I.

Jack : Don't cry.

Syafiq : Abang gagah, jagakan kawan kawan saya kat KL ni. Lagi satu, kawan awak Jack tu, jangan kasi dia depressed sangat.

Helmi : Orang kata, save the best for last. Kan? :) I have zero word to be written that is dedicated to you. It's just that, you are the best BFF ever, yang. And I am totally glad that you are finally stepping into Penang. Take care of me, and I'll take care of you. For now, you are currently in Penang as I am typing this back in KL, I only have three words for you - I.Miss.You.

Abang Reza : Take care of your new roommate. She snores. A lot!



And for those I am unable to mention, I am glad to inform that you have a spot in my heart whether you and I realised it or not.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : These Words by Natasha Bedingfield

We Did It.

Penang has done its deed. Yes, people. We did you proud. Although I was just a tiny part of it all, say 1% of the whole fiasco, I had goosebumps all over my body. One word : DEBATE. Weird, I am actually debating, or in other word, affiliated to the word debate. But yes, penang has done its part and made your jaws dropped. We awed you, aren't we? :)

As an underdog, we have made the imposibble became possible. All of you should be there to witness the newborn miracle of Penang Debate Team. And hell yeah, we are gonna repeat the history.

To the programme director, organising committee, runners, home debaters, participants, performers and everyone who know a thing or two about our OSH Debate, with arms wide open, I thank you for the chance experienced.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

And My Point Is...?

Hello.


Goodbye.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Chop Suey by System Of A Down

Continue.

This is my 51st post, and instead of celebrating, I could only think of one thing : Death

Have you ever thought of death?
The ceremony?
How will you die?
When are you gonna die?

I do. But how and when is a matter that goes far beyond our thinking abilities. It's a matter that only God knows and He chose to keep it as a secret.

But the one thing that I am more concern about is, the pengebumian. I don't know what is it called in English, but I do believe that you got my point here.

Who will be there?
Who will be sad that I've left?
Do I make enough impact in their lives for them to actually squeeze in some time to come and see me for the last time?
How will I be remembered as?
The question is : Will you guys be there?

Eno?
Bell?
Boy?
Wani?
Pa?
Qa?
Nala?
Ben?

So after these stated question, we will all proceed with life. And that is when our sad, pathetic tales begin.

One piece of mind, people : We can't change what had happened in the past, but we can always have control of the present and the future.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Over Now by Day 26

Discrimination Exist Amongst Us.

My name is Ameera Nur Diana.
I own a female reproductive system.
And yes, I discriminate too, just like you.

I discriminate those scary looking people. Don't you? I know I do. Because all they ever do was scare the hell out of me. They create this intense feeling that exist in me as if I am about to be robbed, or raped, or mollested. And yes, I'm bloody scared.

Although "male" drive me wild and make me drool, the male population too, make me sick. Yeckh. Because the fact is : Can't live without them, can't live with them too.

And I am now an official member of the I Hate Hopes Club. Because just when we thought life is filled with hopes and a door of joy is suddenly ajar, they left us hanging. Yeah, those keys I made all these while opened the door. But the door remain in ajar mode. Not opened, but not closed too. Ajar. And I stood there with hopes that THAT door IS joy. But, heck? What was I thinking? Doors are made to be opened, and we are expected to walk through it so that we can reach the other side. That's it. Doors are not hopes. Doors are not dreams. Doors can't change lives. Ajar doors especially, they only tell us one thing : Get Your Ass Together And Get Going!

So, here I am.
Hating hopes.
No, no. Mama once told me that HATE is a very mean word.

So, here I am.
Disliking hopes.
Not in favour of hopes.

Sometimes, we should not try too hard. Trying too hard creates desperation and leads to devastation.

--------------------------------------------------

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

---------------------------------------------------

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Empty by The Click Five

Goodbye You, Hello You!

No. You don't have to. A closed chapter is a forgotten chapter.

Finished.
Ended.
Finito.
Bye bye.
Selamat tinggal.

Jumpa lagi? Hell no.

So say bye bye now. I'm walking rapidly towards the other end. Mia, say bye bye. But I am gonna need you to firmly let go of my hands. Let it go because someone else is entitled to hold it now.

I know, I know. I'm imagining things too much. But the thing is, in a distant place somewhere, I know you're still holding it. And I am gonna freaking prove that you don't deserve me, not even a second. But that was a few weeks ago. So, weehee. Hello, boys!

Mia has officially closed her chapter on May 18th. And now is smiling broadly at him.

Mia's latest obsession is making keys. ;)

And oh, thank you for letting go of my hands. I'll remember that till the end.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Yang Lalu Biarlah Berlalu by Bunga Citra Lestari

Mengidam In English Apa Eh?

Kalau kita nak, kita go for it.
Sekarang ni, mia ada mood nak tulis in Bahasa Melayu. Or to be exact, bahasa ROJAK. Salah ke?

Kita nak benda, kita cepat cepat beli. Nanti banyak problem. Menyesal lah, takde size lah, habis stock lah. Pasti ada je. Benda benda tu semua merimaskan. Paling teruk, nanti kita dok berangan-rangan nak benda tu, dok termangguk kat tingkap tu. Yelah, orang tua kata mengidam. Time tu, baru padan muka kita. Dah melepas.

Dalam dunia ni, semua benda sama je. I do believe that everything that exist and co-exist in this world are interrelated. Everything is. So there is no such thing as not understanding the matter. Because, we can relate to everything. Including those yang tak hidup. Like keys, am I right, S?

Oh yeah, yeah, N passed my house. Hmm. I drooled for 5 seconds. But then I realised, why do people tend to chase those yang unreachable? We might as well just go for things that can love us like how we wanted to be loved. Yes, I know YOU get what I mean.

Don't let go of the thing that we want. Jangan sampai satu hari kita menyanyi lagu yang tak patut. We should all be smiling. Yes, smiling with capital S.


p/s: Don't believe that Peter thing. Craps and bulls are written all over the screen.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Hanya Kau Yang Mampu by Aizat

I Want Only That.

I want to scream my lungs out. Can anybody hear me if I do?

I want.
I want.
I want.

Please listen to my voice. You, please do.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Hurry Up by Che'Nelle

Tempted. Twisted. Tested.

Sometimes life shocks us in many ways. Like how we were expecting a sunny day, but it rained and we were hosting an outdoor event. And when we thought the movie Indiana Jones is going to bore us to death, but it didn't. And also when we thought we are gonna live to see tommorrow, but we died.

But life shocked me to hell and back again today.
Yeah, it did.
Unbelievable, right?
I actually went to hell and back to Earth again because I was in deep shock.
Tak percaya sudah ;p

At those awkward time of life, we are surprised by the fact that a stranger or someone who can't be classified as someone who know you well can make you realised something strange about you.

Someone came up to me today, and he told me something that has been on his mind. And although it was just a theory to him, but it wasn't to me. Apparently, it's true. I think it is true. Because the statement landed straight to my heart and became an express return ticket to hell and back again for me. I was in deep state of shock, and awe, and surprise, and relief, and.... one word : GLAD.

Glad because I think it's true. God, please let it be true.

But, leave. Let go of my hand.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Shiver by Natalie Imbruglia

I Still Remember The Look On Your Wife's Face.

Malaysians are a bunch of impatients bollocks. Yes. We all are, and do remind yourself to count me in. I know this because today is the day that I am gonna mark in my calendar.

Road bandits. Enough said to prove that Malaysians are impatients. Grr. I hate to rewind the past, but!

MU 5319. Fullstop. I'm gonna whack you, fcuker.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Wanna Burn Your Freaking Car by Mia

Life Is A Marathon.

Life is like a marathon. Exactly like a marathon. We never realised this before, but our lives are like tons and tons or marathon and jogathon.

In each and every marathon, we have different runners with different style and different aims. Some of them participate in that run because they want to win the money. Some of them run just for the fame. Some of them run because they are bored. Some of them run because their friends make them to. But there are a few of those runners who run not against you, but with you. And trust me, sometimes it is highly impossible to find those people who runs with you and actually stand whatever whine that you have.

Go find that person.

While we are running, we have aims to actually meet the right person who can bear everyting about us. When we do, we run together. At times, we do meet the right person. That is when we consider ourselves lucky. What if we meet someone that we thought is suitable for us, but they turn out to be the opposite? What if they are just an illusion to make us see better? Because it does happen. We thought they run with us, but actually they are just one of those runners who aims to win and leave us walking alone.

In some odd cases, we found that person. But we are too blinded by the many participants in the race. It's okay. Just don't let go. Don't let them go until they actually choose to runaway. Just walk with them, take that slow jog. That will do you a favour. In fact, it will do both of you a big favour. Let the two of you catch some breath, because everybody knows that we lose proper breathing when we run. So, breathe. Get some grip on reality.

One fine day, we are gonna realise that, the people that we let go because they choose to runaway instead of running with us, are the people that is worth losing. It's not gonna be a clear sky if we stay with them just to run a losing race. No point. Let them run and chase their dreams. Now look to your side, THAT person next to you is the one who are willing to run with you, and catch you when you fall, and even lose the race FOR you. THAT person is worth fighting for.

A few words of advise :
1) Fight for your right
2) Don't waste your time playing a losing game
3) Wait
4) Sometimes, it take a mistake to make you realise what is right for you.



p/s : I am dedicating this to you. Pick the right, court.
pp/s : Whatever that you have in you, better say it now before too many damages are done.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Atas Nama Cinta by Rossa

I Freaking Lost. But Not Really.

What did I do at home today? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But a miracle happened. So here goes the story yea.

The whole nation knows that today is the final concert for Akademi Fantasia 6. Not that I watch it nor follow this season's shows, but I do know a thing or two about it. And that final show just ended a few minutes ago.

M or should I say it in a much proper alphabet, O placed a bet. If his favourite contestant wins, I will have to treat him dinner at Victoria Station and vice versa. But I had a bad feeling about it. Maybe someone or something is refraining me from agreeing to that bet. So I did. I said no to O.

So I switched on the TV with high anticipation, full with curiosity whether I have made the right choice or not. For about plus minus 4 hours, I watched the show with eyes wide open. And when it is time to annouce the winner, I thank God with much graciousness that I had declined to that awfully high cost bet. Because if I followed my ego and agreed, I would have lost.

Thank God, intuition saved me today.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Intution by Jewel

Drowning.

This is the point where I will tell you what I hate the most about life. I hate the fact that people, they are on constant mode to chase and earn our trust so much, and at some point when we gave it to them and we started to believe that it is okay to open up, they runaway. THAT is what I hate most about life. And it sucks. It is as if nothing sticks in life anymore. NOTHING. Not even trust, that very precious trust. And I think trust is totally overrated.

So what am I now? A bridge? Connector? Just another girl you see on the street? What?

Life becomes real when we are drowning. But the thing is, I didn't drown. Neither have I come close to being drowned. But my life just became real. I suddenly realised what life has to offer the most. Dramas. There are too much of unneeded and unexpected dramas in life, it just feels as if we are all drowning together. We are all trapped under the water, trying hard to go up to the surface just to catch some air, trying to breathe as hard as we could and praying to the almighty that we could land again safely. I pray everyday so that I could come out of the water and open my eyes wide enough just to see those faces that I love.

I am not a toy. I am not there to be a ball in the game. And hell yeah, I'm mad. But heck, I'll be happier if I'm not. So yeah, I'm not mad. I'm not angry, nor regret towards what is happening. "Just go with the flow," they said. But the reality is, I can't be a river my whole life. But for now, a river will be just fine.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Slow Dancing In A Burning Room by John Mayer

Oh, The Charm :)

Ameera Nur Diana Munawar is now officially drooling over a guy. Yes, THAT guy. :)
The one who writes with his left hand, not right. He owns a terribly charming face and an incredible smile. They just melts me like an ice on a very sunny day. He likes to have his cap on although even without, he still looks good. With his chains on, he is almost perfect to my eyes. A flawless Malay Man look, hot buff body, both height and charm, I feel like saying " Can I Have You? " :) Psssst, I feel like smiling.

Though everyone can dream, dreams are made to push us forward. I am smiling now. The one that you can see my last back teeth. I don't think I'm gonna get him. Even knowing him well is like 0.01% from happening. *drool*

I want to watch him again and again. It's okay, we can meet in my dreams, N. :))


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis

I Want One Poisonous Apple

Something happened yesterday, and today. Mama once said to me that I should never ever let myself became too close to someone, especially someone of the opposite gender. I think she was either in denial, refuse to trust men or just plain judgemental. It's true though, in a way, men have their ways to make us happy. And slightly happier the next day. And really happy the next week. And over the top happy the next month. And reach the maximum state of happiness the next year. Then, shredded to pieces and fall to the rock bottom the very next second.

I can't seem to bring myself to understand how love really works. But I keep finding myself all tangled up in that maze, and hell yeah, I'm not proud. "I Love You" this one second and "Bye" the next? Well, well. I sure am proud of one thing : having to understand the consequences of taking the risk by hitting the OFF button after that heavy rain. And it do pay off, see. I am not writng about my past love life out of depression or some feeling of clinging by to it. I wrote about it out of experience and as an advise to save up your ass fast before it got burned for far too much. I refuse to feel stupid. I would rather choose the word crazy or heartless to describe myself rather than the word stupid and failure.

One thing for sure, I will never choose to be treated like just another piece of meat. Especially those tiny, worm-like shredded meat that they pack in transparent plactic covers.

I want to love without feeling like I'm a piece of meat in the middle of the shredding machine. Can I?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The big F.

Fat.
False.
Fees.
Friends.
Fans.
Fake.
Fiend.
Fidget.
Fickle.
Forced.
Frustration.
Fiddle.

Can those Fs ever be Fewer?

Free.
Fun.
Freedom.
Fling.
Friends.
Fate.
Favourites.
Faithful.

I want them to be Forever.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm having a fever now, I am constantly sweating and it's driving me craaaaaaaazeeh!

I wish every girl could have their own magic mirror to tell them what is happening to the world, because I seriously have no absolute clue about what is going on with things around me. You can tell me whatever letter that represents the intials of my "people". Let it be S, M, O, Z, D, L, A, H or whatever it is among the 26 alphabets, it doesn't and I don't think will change the fact that I have NO IDEA!

Oh evil queen, give me a poisonous apple please. Die, creep, die.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sister getting married. Mother nagging full twenty four seven. Daddy kept searching for a young female driver, namely me. Brother is nowhere to be seen.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I at those awkward times, felt as if I am being watched. I don't know by who, but as if there's someone lurking around at that deep corner, trying to tell me something. Killer, killer, just kill me if you want to.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Right now, I am at my home sweet home, waiting to be saved oh saved. The only thing that keeps me sane in this house now is my phone. Because i read messages that makes me smile. And when the phone rings, I cheered up. I like it when I am not mentally disconnected from the outside world. I like it when I brush my teeth in front of a big mirror. And I like it when my clothes are arranged unneatly but organised. ( don't ask me how I do that )

But you know what I want the most? I want someone who when he thinks of me, the song that comes to his mind is Pemuja Rahasia by Sheila On 7, or some cheesy songs that make me look as if I am THE queen of hearts in a deck of cards. Grr. Anybody?

And yes, Chelsea vs Manchester United tonight. And I can't waittttttt to see the Red ASS Devils go down the drain. :)
Oh oh, H, the bet? Bring it on!

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Lost In Love by NB Ridaz

Feel, Can We Handle It?

We can't control what we feel. Sometimes we fell all the wrong things at the wrong time. But most of the time, we feel "things" that we feel is inappropriate to some people, and we get confused by it. We can't do anything about it. We just can't. The only thing we can do is either keep it or let it out from our chest.

I hope by letting it out, it will do our soul some justice.

Feel. We can feel. And right now, I can feel you. :')


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Spell by Marie Digby

---------------------------

Spotlight shining brightly
on my face
I can't see a thing
And yet i feel you looking my way

Empty stage
With nothing but this girl
Who's singing a simple melody
And wearing her heart on her sleeve

And right now
I have you
For a moment i can tell i've got you
Cause your lips don't move
But something is happening
Cause your eyes tell me the truth
I've put a spell over you

Beauty emanates from every
word that you say
And capture the deepest thoughts
in the purest and simplest of ways
But you see
I'm not that graceful
Like you
Nor am i as eloquent
But just a simple melody
Can change the way that you see me

All my life i've stumbled
But here i am just perfect
Perfect as i'll ever be

Marie Digby is Pretty x)

I wanna be Bonnie, so that I can find Clyde.
I wanna be Juliet, so that I can find Romeo.
I wanna be Peach, so that I can have my Cream.
I wanna be Cocaine, so that I can find the addict.
I wanna be Pink, so that you can be my Red.
I wanna be Beyonce,so that I can find my Jay-Z.
I wanna be Katie, so that I can find my Tom.
I wanna be Heidi, so that I can find my Seal.

I wanna be everything and find the perfect pair.

I wanna be Mia, so that I can find ( fill in name here )
Please lead me to you.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Stupid For You by Marie Digby

Two Angels That Doesn't Break Me.

I am on the black Kia Spectra car now that belongs to Eno, and I'm using the oh-so-famous Maxis broadband that belongs to Bell. God, now I envy her, because she owns one of the most talked about machine that is very modern. :)

Okay, I just hit the OFF button today. And one thing that I am feeling now is... relieved. Love, love, mine only now.

And I just realised that Eno is using the ringtone that I want to use. Darn you.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Belong To Me by Jessica Simpson

Why?

A friend of mine told me that she cried. I can only say one thing : Why? And she said it's not because it ended, it's because it happened.

Another friend of mine buzzed me on YM and she told me that she's stressed out. I can only say one thing : Why? And she said because she feels like she wants to end it the moment she woke up in the morning.

A he came to me one day, telling me that life sucks. I can only say one thing : Why? And he said because the girlfriend is no longer a girlfriend.

Someone really close to me told me that he can't choose for what's best for himself. I can only say one thing : Why? And he said he feels as if everything is both wrong and right for him.

Have you read my blogs before? Did you see how I suffer life so much, where else at some other place, other people suffer too? And apparently, they are my friends. Although to everyone, my stupid speaking motor just said "Why?", but deep inside, I have another thing that I want to tell them.

I'll always look after you no matter how hard my life is at that time. You'll always have my back.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : With Me by Sum 41

Angels Break Things Too :(

I know my blog is not uber famous for a lot of people to read. Even I do realise that the few people who always come by my page is either Aizu or Syarul. Not that it's a bad thing or something like that, but it only means one thing : They're the one who always have the inside view towards my heart, mind, thoughts and words. I seem to find it as a weird thing because it feels awkward to have people who knows you that good, see.

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, please clear up my mind so that it will be stronger to face the upcoming days that You have created for me."



R.E.L.A.T.I.O.N.S.H.I.P

What does that word suppose to mean? All it ever do to us is hurt us. And make us cry. And turn us into hideous monsters to ourselves and the surroundings.

I am clearly not proud of myself when it comes to this topic. I can manage well at giving advices and a piece of my mind, but a total sucker at doing it. Aizu, what type of a person am I? In which type will you classify me as?

Today is the time for me to cut all my cunning words and be honest about my feelings. At least I can do myself some justice and run from this hipocracy.

Sometimes I feel as if, there are no reason why my relationship met its end. I don't have any clue that could lead me or anyone to its answer. I think it's ego. And ego is one tough hell to deal with. And I wish I will never repeat the same mistakes I made twice. The next guy CAN'T be another victim. God, help me.

At times, I thought I don't mind if my relationship is as weird as S and W's or A and F's, at least they're talking and they know that they have each other on the other line of the phone. Hurmm, sometimes it feels like suicide. As in, putting yourself in such condition. But that's just how nature works.

Moment like this, all the songs in the world are torturing my eardrums.

I can't bear to see what will happen to us both once I've hit the OFF button. Will I still be able to walk the normal pace, or run like the wind? Can I still walk and enjoy the pretty surroundings so that I won't rush to the end point as fast as I think I should? I want to walk. I don't want to run. How could and angel just break your heart and see you pick up the broken pieces on your own? That's just plain ruthless.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Move On by Jet

Someone Please Save Me

Maybe I'm wrong after all. :(

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Semua Untuk Cinta by Mike

Porno Is Not My Middle Name.

Gonna be honest with you now : I.AM.PULLING.THE.HANDBREAK.

No more late night chats about "I Miss You" or "You're The One" or "I Never Meant To Hurt You". Because NEWSFLASH! It hurts either way. :)


So here I am, and there you are, standing at two different roads, because I pity myself for getting hurt by you. It's so unworth it. Alas, I am free now. Free from all my emotional pain. It feels pretty good though to tell the whole world that that's THAT.

I melt again, today. Not as in melt like the ice, but melted. Melted because Kuala Lumpur is too hot to bear. And I can't actually decide which is hotter, Kuala Lumpur, Penang or At's presence. Honestly, whichever condition that I put myself in, it is still hot. And yes, At, Take it as a compliment, will you?

Oh, Oh.
We are now standing in front of the calendar, Boy. Waiting for your arrival. And I can't wait to give you a huggie, and go for brekkies with you because I still remember the way to Bandar Tun Hussein Onn. Yes, I do. x)


My bloody head is killing me. And I hate your guts. They smell like rotten eggs. Even rotten eggs doesn't smell that bad. Grr.


As porno as this may sound, I wanna be Peach so that someone can be my Cream. :))



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Peaches and Cream by 112

I Need doubleyou-o-ar-ke

TEN THINGS ON MY HEAD NOW.

1. Sometimes, money is THE reason why people stay with their partner.
2. I don't really care how my blogpage looks like. I just care what I wrote.
3. Good deeds or closeness are always mistaken as crush, infidelity or anything that can be related to haveing feelings 96% of the time.
4. Random people we meet on the street might be the one that caught our eyes the most, although we don't even know them.
5. I think my cat is actually a monkey, in disguise.
6. I need to work, I need money.
7. Looks are just a phase that we have to bear before we know who they really are.
8. At some parts, friends, they suck.
9. I want someone to be here physically, mentally and emotionally.
10. I feel like singing. :(

The greatest state of depression is when you thought you're okay, but then you realised that you are depressed.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Doing Just Fine by Boyz II Men

SuperHeroGoesDown?

People say heroes, they die too.

Hero, do you?

So it's true though what Syarul wrote on his blog tablet, superherogoesdown, they do go down later.

Somewhat somehow, Superman will rot and age, Spiderman can't stick to the walls anymore, Wonder Woman has gone through liposuction, Powerpuff Girls grow up. And what will happen to the next generation though? Pity you, you were born later.

Ehem, ehem.

Mama has just left the building. :)

Oh, oh. I have a confession. A public confession.

EH! STOP HURTING ME LAH!

Ok, make it two confessions.

Jesse McCartney is bloody hot to my two eyes. But in some cases, four eyes. But don't worry, my eyes are healthy. I won't go blind, with God's will. Because I won't wear contact lenses and accidentally tear the surface of my cornea. I can always look at you.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna

Good Things, Bad Things. Both Sucks.

Honestly, what will become of me?
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?
Come to an end, come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Travelling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless, living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could

Die, die, die, die...

And the sun was wondering if it should
Stay away for a day
'Til the feeling went away

And the sky was, falling on the clouds
Were dropping and the rain forgot
How to bring salvation


Good things. They end. Sadly, it's true.

Q : Why do all good things come to an end?

A : So that better things can come later and put it back together.

Mia, stop being pathetic. Just admit it. Grr.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Why Do All Good Things Come To An End by Nelly Furtado

Empty Spot? NOT Filled.

Sometimes I don't understand. How people can appear to be as angelic as they could, but they have their own agenda in the back of their head. How sucky could that be? Grr. * growling as rough as I could here *

I tend to meet these people, and s s s sorry, I hate you. But I had to. Or else, who will be YOUR friend? I don't want to see you creep and die alone one day when you're 40 and all you have is 14 cats. Pity, pity.

I am currently sitting here, thinking what kind of life am I leading spesifically? Even I don't know that. Do you? S? Z? D? My oh-so-favourite D? Are you there? Are you sitting in front of some anonymous computer screen reading my typed words? If you do, I still feel it. Though my mouth are uttering the worst of the worst, heart just won't lie to its owner. Shit. What am I talking here? My oh-so-favourite D, what are you doing now? With L, I'm guessing? :(

No, no. I am strong. I am badang. Mia = Badang. I am strong, and HELLO, WORLD! I am a Lone Ranger.

Mia is currently missing ( in random order ) :

Penang


the aizoo


manja


bulan


my favourite LalaLand


Mohsin the evil scrabbler


hasreen kecik



my Gabrielle




chyna





Sahar





nellie the mummy





wan the man





Bubi Jieyi, Wo Kai Wan Xiao, Hmm.





nyamuk mabuk





mister elle.





Gabrielle's Titi





benny boy





SONG OF THE MOMENT : Semua Yang Ada by D'Cinnamons

Sue Me, Fast.

Had a feeling lately. The one where we don't expect something from that someone, but in reality, that someone is doing it. Get me?

Once, I had this impression on Mr. D and he turned out to be someone totally different. And now that it met the end of the road already, I have another impression. And lately, my impression kept proving that I am wrong. Is it okay to want your fish back although you've thrown it out back to the sea? That is the impression on my head now, but I guess it is in constant motion of changing.

Then, I have this impression on S ( Let's just assume that we are in Gossip Girl, yea? ) He made me think twice about life, and how we should see life. Also, how we are suppose to feel and think about relationships. He proved me wrong. It seems that no matter how great the state of depression that you are in, you are always able to put the one you love as numero uno.

And Z, that brain. I adore.

But this is my blog. And no matter how much I talk about someone else, it will always result in talking about me. Bear with it that I prefer to write about me after a huge amount of observation into other people's window.

I felt as if, life is about both the journey and the destination. That satisfaction that you feel once you've reached that spot. And the journey will always be full of mistakes. And yes, I am sorry for hurting you. Maybe I should just let you swim in that wide sea and let you find a fish of your species. But I think, right now, I am still sitting on that ship, waiting to catch the fish that I've let go.

I just want to be somewhere else but here. Sue me.






SONG OF THE MOMENT : Sorry by Buck Cherry

What is More Important To Me?

Can you recall the feeling that you have when you are walking somewhere, and then you stop suddenly to turn around, there is someone there? I bet you can even feel it now.

And during that situation, who is the one you're imagining?

The reality is, are they the same people or not?

Cliche. I have been having these flashes and strips of imaginations that when I turn around, Mr. D will be there. ( Do you still remember Mr. D? MY obsession? ) But lately, when I turn around, I seem to find my bestfriend behind me. He never actually stops even when I stopped walking, because he would go in front of me and lead the way to ease things for me. Or when I stopped, he'll stop too to ask me what's wrong.

Things have been changing drastically for me these past few months, and things have been really hectic. Sometimes, I feel as if the adrenaline rush are too rapid in my veins that I feel like I can never cope with everything at one time. But i'll grab my phone and text my bestfriend, telling him what's on my mind. And sometimes, a "Hello" from him just simply made it OK again.

My world have gone upside down and downside up again in two years time. I have changed. I have changed a lot. But I didn't regret any of it all. I know my heart is waiting for a person that I have been longing for, which I hope will go as far as he want and come back to my heart once he knows that I'm worth all the sweat. And I know that I have a bestfriend, in fact a few bestfriends to assure me that I am still in good condition, especially the heart.

Well, well. I think having bestfriends are more than enough than having that special other half. Love, love.

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Look After You by The Fray

Men.

So I am seriously really addicted to One Tree Hill now. My bestfriend used to persuade me to watch it weekly on tv, but heck, now I am watching it, so, ha, don't worry.

I stopped at episode 5 of Season 5. And I realised the difference between Lucas Scott and Nathan Scott. Lucas knows what he wants, but he didn't know what to do with it, and kept doing things that drive his wants away. And Nathan on the other hand, knows what he wants and actually do things to keep having what he wants. And the similarities between their women is, Peyton Sawyer and Haley James both waited for them, no matter what.

My roommate said that I am definitely a Peyton. Yes, that sounds humiliating, but true. I am a Peyton. I usually chase after the one that I want so bad that I'll do anything about it, but when I got it, I tend to chase them away. And I'll regret doing it, and I'll wait and know that I'll get hurt. That's me. Pathetic.

So, I made up my mind. I want to search for my Nathan, not Lucas. I want a man who knows what he wants and do everything in his power to do so. I don't want a boy who ends up being someone he's not.

Nathan, oh Nathan, wher art thou?


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Like You'll Never See Me Again by Alicia Keys

The Last Kiss

Ok. So today is not the exact reflection of how I want my day to be. But I found it a little bit interesting after I finished watching The Last Kiss. They do have some explicit scenes, so kids, don't try it at home yea? But that is not the whole point. The point of this movie to me is having doubts.

You know that time of the moment where your whole life stops, and the word relationship turns into one massive DOUBT. Sounds familiar eh?

The movie explained to me how men are always running away from a commitment towards a marriage and ends up either flirting, infidelity or hurting the woman of his life. But as a female myself, I wouldn't dare to say that we are always correct or right in other word. There are some cases where the girl will create big problem that was caused by a tiny little mistake and end up being mad.

Female. Girl. Woman. Typical. We are those excellently amazing creations of God that seems flawless, and we always want to appear flawless. But did the world know that most problems are caused by us? And what solution did most of us take? We get mad. We blow our top at our partner, turn it 180 degrees and make it like it's his fault. And then we get even. Or we just leave. After that, the best part of the proccess will happen : regret. Why did that happen? Again, typical. Woman like the attention and care given to them and we seek for love and comfort. Any woman wants the same. Including the blind, mute, deaf, paralyzed, normal, rich, poor, sick or healthy.

So, how far can we believe in love? Or the one we're with now? How can we know that our doubts are actually imaginations? Are we all delusional?

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Warning Sign by Coldplay

Superstitious

Am I one of those people who are very superstitious about things?
Say, what if something that you said to someone is not returned the way it should have?

I guess I am.

I am too clueless to write or to spill whatever is inside my head and heart now.

I am too weak for this all.

I'm not as strong as I seem.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Menunggumu by Chrisye and Peterpan

Three Freaky Habits

Ok. So I am not practically joining an Anger Management class. Or some freaky Control Your Emotion thingy. I don't need that although my sister said I need to. I think I'm old enough to have my own way to handle things. I am the laziest bum you can find whne you walk in into our house. If you really don't know me at all, just search for either the one in front of the TV or in front of the PC or the one hanging on the phone. Yup, ladies and gentlemen, that's me. The one and only with a female reproductive system who will do that in the Munawar Residence.

It kinda will freak my soon-to-be housemates or soon-to-be-soulmate when my "mmod" comes. Ok. There are three most obvious things I'll do when I am going through a few emotions or swings.

Exhibit A : I'll bake. Anything. From cookies to brownies, from cupcakes to brownies, from cake to just plain chaos.

Exhibit B : I'll write. This is the most common thing I'll do. I will write just about anything. With any form of words. From sarcastic to polite, from hurting to nice, from hatred to romantic. Anything.

Exhibit C : Ok. This is the outmost rare that you'll see me do. I'll clean up. From the dishes to garbage, from study table to wardrobe, from bed to someone else's room. I don't just clean. I'll irritatedly clean with this expression as if those mess just ate my mom.

When I'm TOO happy, or TOO joyful or TOO excited, I'll either do A or B.
When I'm mad, or sad, or depressed, or loved, or happy, I will definitely bake.
When I'm tensed, or pressured, or panic, I'll clean. ( ehem. Dayah, beware. )
But there is one exception. It's when I have to. Hahaha. This is when I'll do whatecer activity, including any of those three, half-heartedly.

Well. Believe it or not. When I'm writing this blog, I am actually waiting for my oven to go "DING!" because I am actually baking cupcakes.

Guess what's my emotion now. ;)


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Crazy For You by MC Magic

Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha, people. x)
People say this is the time of the year that we actually turn over a new leaf. You know, migrate. Say bye to the old habits, and say hello to the new you. I think THAT is MY resolution for this coming year. I want to be ;
a) more patient
b) listen more
c) control my very bad temper
d) study better
e) pay attention to the people around me
f) just be the real me, no pretending

I just want to take this opportunity to apologize for anything that I've done to you ( you = anyone who's reading this ), in case I don't notice my mistakes. And trust me, most of the time, I don't keep track of them.

So, today is ok. Just ok. One highlight of the day : I woke up with THE selamat hari raya wish. x)

Again, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha. Loves!

SONG OF THE MOMENT : I'm Sorry by 1st Lady

Have You Ever

Have you ever miss someone, you felt like there's something down in your throat?
Have you ever think about it so much, that everything you do is spinning?
Have you ever get carried away by it, that everything you see is him?
Have you ever miss someone so bad, that every song reminds you of him / her?
Have you ever feel so empty, that it seems like there are no birds' chirps exist anymore?
Have you ever miss someone, your phone battery went empty because of reading his / her messages and dialling his number?
Have you ever miss someone, you cry yourself to sleep?
Have you ever feel so empty, no one can cheer you up anymore?

I do.

Come back. x(

SONG OF THE MOMENT : Have You Ever by Brandy

Hey You x(

Here's today. I changed my middle name. Sad. From Ameera NUR Diana. It's Ameera SAD Diana now. Because I am terribly terribly sad. Two reasons. A) I just got to know that I am a terribly terrible driver and B) I wanna be with someone so terribly bad, but dreams remain dreams.

I went to Mr. D's house to paste a striking yellow paper that says I'm Sorry and a collection of songs that came from my heart, hoping for at least a text message saying " I got it ". But no. I guess I'm too invisible for that to happen. Because silence is all I got today. And the last two days.

Mr. D, if you're reading this, I miss you. Please come back.
You know who you are.
I want to tell you something.






SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Wanna Be With You by Mandy Moore

20 Reasons Why I Could Go Mad Today. Honestly.

20. There is absolutely no one in this house.
19. Astro is becoming overrated because nothing interesting is on air.
18. None of my friends are online today. Ok, Ok. With the exception of Dayah.
17. My phone is silentttttttt.
16. Why are all songs sounds so sad eventhough my music player is shuffled?
15. Nothing interesting to eat.
14. I am a total loser, I just realised that.
13. What goes around, DOES comes around.
12. And now, my only online friend is helping her sister in her kitchen.
11. Mama is out of town, so I have no one to shout at me. Though I hate it.
10. I am AT home. ALONE.
9. I am missing something / someone.
8. I just baked one whole tupperware of cookie and I don't know how they taste. I don't even care.
7. There's little black ants everywhere. x(
6. I just want to go out. Anywhere but here.
5. Things are not going well. I wish things could just be better.
4. Ayah left his car. But dammit. The keys are not here!!!!!!!
3. My friends are having time of their lives, and I'm practically.... dead.
2. We fought and I think it's uneraseable ( Is there such word? )
1. I already lost my head by now. Fuckk.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : What Goes Around Comes Around by Justin Timberlake

Speechless

Ok. So this is the fourth time I'm typing. And I'll stop deleting it. That's it.

Hrrmm. I am actually thinking now.

How long does it take you to realise that you've done something that you don't know will do you good or bad? It kinda take me at 2 hours.

Ok. Today. Hmm. I seriously don't know what to say. Hope the song can describe the moment.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Kangen by Chrisye and Sophia Latjuba

Dependent, Is It Good?

VIRGO - The One that Waits

Dominant in relationships.
Someone loves them right now.
Always wants the last word.
Caring.
Smart.
Loud.
Loyal.
Easy to talk to.
Everything you ever wanted.
Easy to please.
A pushover.
Loves to gamble and take chances.
Needs to have the last say in everything.
They think they know everything and usually do.
Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect.
They do not forgive and never forget.


PISCES - The Partner for Life

Caring and kind.
Smart.
Center of attention.
Messy at times and irresponsible.
Smart but lazy.
High appeal.
Has the last word.
Good to find, hard to keep.
Passionate, wonderful lovers.
Fun to be around.
Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily.
Lover of animals.
VERY caring.
They always try to do the right thing but sometimes get the short end of the stick.
They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting.
Extremely weird but in a good way.
Good Sense of Humor.
Thoughtful.
Always gets what he or she wants.
Loves to joke.
Very popular.
Silly, fun and sweet.
Good friend to others but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.

Can we depend on each other if we're almost alike?
SONG OF THE MOMENT : About You Now by Sugababes

GET IT

Start blogging at 1:57pm

I DON'T GET IT.
AND SOMETIMES I DON'T GET YOU

Finish blogging at 1:57pm

SONG OF THE FREAKING MOMENT : You Can't Handle Me by Robyn

Kids.

Kids nowadays. Haeh. Ok, Ok. I understand. This is 2007. Not 1957 where everyone dressed like Tunku Abdul Rahman. But I don't really get it, what's the rush to grow up? Come on. Dress your age. Enjoy it while you're still in that number. Before you know, high school will be over, and you get to do whatever things you want, or dress however you wish, and befriend anyone you see. You don't have to do it now. You have schoolworks and teachers such as Cik Sri Devi and Cik Fadzelah to think about. And History to score, and Add Maths to worry about. Just hit that pause button, and wait.

What's the whole fuss about fast forwarding growing up?

I still remember when I haven't reach 18. God. I was a nerd. I was a messy freak. I dressed in shorts and polo tees and my hair tied up in ponytails with colourful rubberbands and i wear slipper everywhere I go. It's either that or I wear pants and long sleeves and flip flops and ponytails. I think I have been like that since forever.

Even now that I'm 18 and in college. God. What big difference is it that I brought to me? NONE. I don't really care what people wear, because it doesn't affect me. I wear whatever I want.

But that is not the question on my head now. The question is, what's the rush? Look, growing up means you'll aged. And that means you're getting old. And that means a fast track ticket to hell. So, no no, wrong choice.

Come on. Stay that number. I don't really understand those type of people who can't wait to be mature. It's good to be mature, but not fast forwarding your life a few years.

You don't agree with me? Go and log in to your Friendster, or Myspace or Facebook. Check out your friends list and look at their pictures. How many wanna-bes you see?

I see a lot x)


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Kids by Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue

Seriously, Not Lying

Mr. D has been great to me lately. In fact, since forever. Seriously, not lying. But me, one Mia from Malaysia is the one he fell for. Don't accuse me of hexing him. I don't. Seriously, not lying. But my last blog got me thinking. In fact, all my blog got me thinking. Seriously, not lying. I don't think what I give is equivalent to what I receive.

Hmmh.
Hate these thoughts.

Go away, stupid thoughts!
Hocus Pocus, Merry Verry, Avada Kedavra, Santa Claus, Bom!
*hexing now*
Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Seriously. Not lying.



SONG OF THE MOMENT : Always In My Head by Psapp

Perfection, Does It Exist?

Woop woop! x)


Latest news : Christmas is around the corner. So, Merry Christmas. Anddddddd. My eyebags are so freakingly bad. :(

Question : How do you know it's true love? Which true do you think is TRUE love? How do you know it's true? Anybody can answer?

You? No?
How about you? No, too?
You there? No?
Me? No.

People say ( note : PEOPLE say ) love will only come once to you. As in, real love. They say, ( note : THEY say ) it will only come once. But, people do fall out of love too, right? No? Then, why does divorces happen? Then, they'll remarry because they fell in love again. Twice? They ( note : THEY ) said it will only come once? So, back to my question, how do you know which true is true? When does true actually come? Is my high school sweetheart true enough? Or will true come later when I'm older? Or what if my true died along the way? Will I get another true? How do I know that HE is true? If yes eventually, which he?

I am simple. Just tell me something, and I'll know what to do. I am not really used to what we call " figure it out ". Kinda bad at that. But when it comes to this, nobody can tell me except God, right? But in this living Earth, I will be the only person who can tell me which true and which he, right? Tweet. I do make sense here, right?

So, how do I know which is the truest true? I am honestly scared when the time of the months for me to think about this come. I just scare myself with all my expectations, dissatisfactions, hopes, imaginations, etc. I happen to do that quite frequent these days. I wish I could say what do I want. But I can't. I watched What Women Want and Cornetto's Love Perhaps, hoping for an answer, but NO. Even the multi-super-impressive technology such as the television can't provide me any kind of answer.

I am simple. And I want simplicity. I don't want a fancy life to live in. I want simplicity. Love is a very subjective matter. And each of us has different meanings to it. Ah Kong who sells ice-cream's definition of this will be different compared to mine, or my mother's, or Uncle Dimit Dimit who actually live next door.

I want a full honesty relationship, no secrets because we can discuss and share about everything ( note : EVERYTHING ) including about those that doesn't have any relation to my life. Such as, Dayah's or Tini's or Lala's or Hamdan's or anyone.

I want something or someone who allows me to actually be me without hesitations. And whom I can trust with all my heart. Trust about anything and actually be trusted the same way too. I want to be able to support my true he in a way that will make him go further to achieve things in his life. I want to be special in my true he's eyes. I don't have to be special in everyone's eyes. Just him. And you know what is the one thing I really want to feel because no one has ever make me feel like this before? I want to be someone who true he can be proud of. Some girls make their he proud by having good voice in the karaoke box, or by being a scholar, or by looking extremely good, or by being rich, or by being extra friendly with he's friends, or by being a superwoman like my mum who is multi-talented and a multi-tasker. But I don't think I fit any of those criterias. I just don't know what thing do I have that is rare or different that others. I think my "commonness" is what makes me different compared to others, because no one is THIS common.

Hurmmmm. It got me thinking again, so, which true is true? Which he is he?
I don't like mistakes. I hate mistakes. I don't do mistakes.
I prefer perfection.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Hanya by Melly Goeslow and Anto Hoed

Spoilt Brat. Naaah.

" No "
" Cannot! "
" In your dreams! "


Ever came across those type of words? I do.

Restriction. Hate those things. I hate it. I hate it. And apparently, I got it almost all the time. And I HATE IT. Can't I just tell everyone around me to bug off? My life, my thing. Hello? Too many cooks spoil a broth. Ring a bell?


OK. So THAT is not my main problem. NEVER. Fine to me if everyone loves to restrict me from every single thing that I want, or love, or even do. You know what's MY main problem?




NEGLECT.




Neglected is really becoming a part of my daily routine. Shit. I got it from almost every breathing being in this world. Like now.

For some reason. I am alone. In my house. No food. No good shows on TV. Not just that. Mr. D happens to be anywhere but here. Which is ironic, because that is the whole point of this semester break. Catching things up. Ironic.

Right from the start, this is where I pour everything on my heart out. I don't really give a damn if my writing sucks. Or if people don't understand me. Or when people don't even read it. I don't. All I know is, I have to let it go. I don't want to be 40-years-old, unmarried and moody. Even worse, cuckoo. You know, mad.

I hate it when I am neglected emotionally. You know, when people don't really care what I think or feel. It's like " Hello! I'd like to be left alone. But not this alone! " Sometimes people just don't get it. There are times where it is best to just freaking walk out and leave me alone. But there are times where I'll insist but just don't. God. Where is your sixth sense about these things?

Which I could just pick up a megaphone and scream from the middle of Bukit Bintang, or somewhere there. I can't really tell anyone and hope that THAT anyone will understand. The only thing lingering on everyone's mind is MIA IS A FREAKING SPOILT BRAT.

What am I suppose to do with the fact that no one understand what I am trying to say? Even up till now, I don't think you understand. Even I sometimes don't understand what is it that I want. And I hate it up till the root of it.

Can't someone just appear, walk in, and just totally get every thing that goes out of my mouth?


Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Totally killing me.

I'm gonna start searching for my life now. Wherever that is. Humph.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : Overprotected by Britney Spears

Satu.

Satu. Or in English, we call it One.

Hello World Wide Web. On top of the page that is currently showing at your screen is the kiddy face of all ten of us. Yes, ten. (pssssst. Sorry, Bell. Muka kau separuh.) Each and every one of us carry the different colour to the crayon box. As for me, I think I'm purple. Why? When I'm bright, means I'm bright. When I'm dark, means I'm dark. The other 9? They have their own colour.

Now that we've grown up, we are not those kids who play piggyback fight in the music room, or pillow fight in Boy's hall. We NEVER play dollhouse, or barbie, or Polly Pocket. Errr. Don't worry. The last time I checked, I have the female "thing". And I think all of us do, since we went to an all-girls school.

I miss those old days. Where I was the nerdiest of us all, the one who never skipped class, the one who showed up early in school for "duties", the one who had the littlest fun in school. Cliche, yes. But it's true.

Checking my calendar now. Yup. It's December 2007. Another few days to step into 2008. And I'll be missing CHAI even more. Though we might be spending the new year together, or maybe not, it's not THAT that I'll miss more. It's the kiddiness in us. Though when put together, we are the worst Chucky, the worst Garfield, the worst Santa's helper, the worst Dennis the Menace you could ever find. But the time to be put together is now separated by what we call tertiary education.

Some may be in London, Penang, Malacca, Johore, Perak, Selangor or even Kuala Lumpur. But distance people say, are just numbers. What matters is what we have in our hearts, our memories.


Well. What can I say?
My friends caused a lot of troubles, but I love them.




SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Remember by Mocca




Chai forever, am I right?

Sue Me If You Want To

Ok. I am now OFFICIALLY mad at facebook. It is suppose to be the next best thing after Friendster and Myspace. But wuttahell? Every button I hit will lead to the same thing : Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage. Grrrrrr.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Mark Zuckerberg, issit? I love your baby. But today, your Facebook sucks!

Someone better calm me down here. :(

So what? Can't handle the truth? Sue me.

Waiting.Sharing.Hurting.

ticktockticktock.

The freaking clock on my wall is ticking. It feels like forever for it to move even for one tick. The clock shows 03:02. And I am still up, doing whatever thing I could think of. While listening to all my wanted songs. Yessssss. The soppy, sad ones. Why? Waiting. I can't ever close my eyelids every night until I have this one, safe feeling for Mr. D. I am sorry if my obsession towards Mr. D is a little bit overrated. But he has these tendencies for me to actually feel so insecure. It's like, I have to be invisible and follow Mr. D. ( Yeah, THE Mr. D that only exist in my imagination ) Like now. Exactly like now. He's out there becoming Ricky Martin, and I'm at home, secretly turning into Mother Teresa. Darn.

ticktockticktock.

Living with my 27-year-old sister is a bit weird. Because people seems to think I AM the older sister. But hey, I am not the one who's getting married next July. By the way, back to the original story. I have been sharing almost 70% of my stuff with her. Mostly invaded are my BED and PRIVACY. Grrrrr. Growling like a pregnant tiger will never do. But what about EMOTIONS? Shit. I am never good with that. I am 80% private about that. You will have to start to pay me if you want to hear more. I could, but it's hard. Feel like putting happy pills in my throat. Especially with Mama and Mr. D. A HUGE NO NO.

ticktockticktock.

I just got a phone call from Mr. D. ( Yessssss. It is an imaginary phone call where I actually talk to myself ) Telling me, he's not home YET. And what does all the waiting and sharing and waiting and waiting and waiting do to me? Hurt. Well, I am not hurt if he's not home anyways. It's just that not having him awake when I am is kinda hard to chew. Or accept. But anyways, he's in the heart, rite?





So, I am heading to bed. Because Mr. D called telling me he's not Ricky Martin anymore. But my friend kept buzzing me on Yahoo Messenger which bugs the hell out of me. Hmmmm.


SONG OF THE MOMENT : I Won't Go Home Without You by Maroon 5



Goodnightallprettypeople x)

Obsession for Mr. D

Name : Mr. D
Age : Almost the same as I am
Sex : Never before
Status : Really , Totally , Massively in LOVE
Favourite Place : The famously known red car

So, this is my obvious obsession for Mr. D. I can't tell you exactly how bad it is. But briefly, I am willing to travel the world if I have to for him. Well, that's an exaggeration actually. But, at least for now, I think I will.

Let me tell you the exact, or almost accurate description of Mr. D, my Mr. D.

When I first knew him, he doesn't at all seems appealing to me. In fact, I loathe every inch of him. From his car, to his hair, to his way of speaking, to his eyebrow! Later, little by little, Mr. D's rank in my list goes up. He is the kind of guy who talk the talk and walk the walk. You will be convinced by him, and will eventually like him. That happened to me. He caught me. Straight, no waiting.

He is the one who didn't stop texting me when I stayed up to study until 4am every day.

He is the one who picked me up at school and sent me to each of my tuition centres.

When I called him up in the morning because I missed my ride to school, he came and picked me up and sent me to school.

He is the one who slept at the mosque while waiting for me to got to one of my classes.

He is the one who actually called my mom for permission on our date.

He brought me out for dinner, and charm his way to my heart.

He is the one who look and stare into my eyes when he talks to me.

He is the one who cried when I'm going back to kampung for hari raya.

He is the face I see in my dreams everynight.

He burnt sweet cds for me.

He waited for me outside my house when I'm late, which happens all the time.

He ran his fingers through my hair and let me fall asleep on his shoulder.

He drove 4 hours to my National Service camp in Pahang with my parents.

He played futsal with my friends and bond with each and every one of them.

He took really good care of me.

He brought me porridge when I'm sick.

He went out from the cinema hall just to buy me a hot drink.

He is Mr. D, the one who has my heart. And the keys to open it. And the ladder to climb it. And the wrapper to wrap it. And the scissor to unwrap it. And everything.

This is as far as I go. I won't let myself type more about him, because then, YOU will fall for him. You don't have to know how he looks like, or how his voice sounds when he open his lips, or how he curse when other people are being bad drivers. Use your imagination, and you'll have him in your brain. Well, I can't thank God more than how I am now for giving him in my life. I am even thankful for letting him live. It took us this long to meet eachother. And I think, it will take us even more longer to even forget about each other. :)

What if I write next that Mr. D is just an imagination? Will you be pissed off? I told you, use what you have in your brain, imagination. Imagine and your Mr. D will appear.




p/s : I know you're reading this.
pp/s : You're wonderful. :)






SONG OF THE DAY : Don't Mess With My Man by Nivea

A Friend ?

A : Hello, there.
B : Yes, hello.
A : Have you met my friend here?
B : Oh, no, not yet.
A : Okay, let me introduce you to my friend.
B : Oh, ok.
A : His name is jealousy. Don't be too friendly with him. He bites, and kills, and destroys.
B : Well, then. I got to go now.



Let me rephrase, jealousy kills, people.


NEWSFLASH!

If you ever come across jealousy, run away faster than Watson Nyambek. Run, Run, Run!

The New Beginning

Beginning. The word itself doesn't only say begin, as in start. Sometimes we find ourselves in a pause situation. We take breaks from everything that we have. And then, eventually, we start again. We begin. And that is the most worth it beginning of life. I envy Marilyn Monroe. Why? Not because of her looks, well yes, her looks. But not just that, and her fame, or the fact that she is the Sex Icon for what seems like forever, it's her words. She once said :

" I believe that everything happen for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

How can someone say something that is hurtful yet true at the same time? I can never imagine, let alone be someone who can do that. And look pretty at the same time.

If beginning is a must-have movie in everybody's lives, i had mine. Ever imagine that a relationship is like climbing a mountain? Do so. Now. I did.

The story was, I was on top of that very peak mountain with him ( Let's just call him Mr. D ). Suddenly, out of whose fault, we both came stumbling downward. I don't really know how he felt at that time, but when I reached the bottom, all I could ever feel in my whole system was hurt. And torture. And total depression. Everything in my Human System hurts like hell. I was lost in my own translation. I couldn't picture myself smiling anymore. And I started to stutter. I did ALL the wrong things in the world. And the biggest thing is, I was starting to become someone ELSE.

Cut the story short.

Mr. D came, appeared and again conquered my heart, soul, body, mind. After the painful fall that we felt, he came and we begin. That's OUR start. OUR meaningful start. The one after failure. We start the whole thing back together. I can't say we had or have the best relationship that you could ever imagine. This is not a movie. This is not The Notebook, or A Walk to Remember, or A Lot Like Love, where everything seems oh-so-pretty. No, kids. This is like a battlefield, relationship is. If you fall and unable to stand again, BOOHOO!

So, what do I learn from all these chained events? Seize the iron while it's hot. ALL THE FREAKING TICK OF THE CLOCK